If you’re new here, you maybe don’t know that on Wednesdays I love to talk about a #wcw (women crush wednesday if you’ve been living under a rock…j/k lol)……someone who especially inspired me for the week and who was on my heart to give a shout-out to or about women empowerment, girl bosses/boss babes, being a woman of Faith and really simply just about GIRL POWER.
Today, I wanted to share this post to talk a little more about my journey from being EMPTY and EMBARRASSED to being EMPOWERED.
I spent most of my life walking through the days asking “why me.”
~Why did I have to struggle with my weight and body image and food?
~Why did I have to grow up without much money?
~Why wasn’t I more like {insert name}?
~Why wasn’t I smarter?
~Why wasn’t I better at trigonometry?? (Thank God for my besties Tasha and Traci in high school or that could’ve turned out badly lol).
~Why did I have to leave my friends on the weekends and summers to go spend with my dad?
I was stuck in this vicious cycle of WHY ME. What did I do to deserve all these struggles?
Looking back on all those things I asked myself….and God….of “why me?” kinda makes me think….”Good grief Dina, maybe the REAL problem was you were a spoiled, entitled little BRAT.” lol
A few years ago, I found two outlets that helped me find the courage and the resources to start asking WHY NOT ME instead?
Coaching & writing 🙂
~I always felt so alone in my struggles with weight and my body image and food back then but now I know that a lot of girls…even women….struggle with those things. It makes me very sad and one of my missions in life now is to help girls and women alike overcome if that’s something they struggle with. And, I know now I was never really alone in how I felt about myself….I honestly just thought something was wrong with ME.
~We may not have had much money growing up but we lived in warm houses and never went without a meal. How many kids growing up in the world can say the same?
~I honestly wanted to be someone else. I had a few friends who I pretty much just wanted to be. I wanted to look like them…be as smart as them….have their lives. I wanted to be anyone but me. In the words of Kurt Cobain, “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” Ugh, yes…what a waste and it makes me very sad that I spent so much of my life wanting to be anyone but me.
~It turns out I was just the right amount of smart! Ha go figure. So, maybe I would never have passed Trig without my girlfriends and maybe I would never have passed Chem without the smartest kid in our class being MY lab partner, BUT, I was an honor student when I stood up on that stage on graduation day. We were the last class to graduate from our high school before they shut the doors and I got to stand up there and give a speech surrounded by my friends and family. It would be YEARS before I would recognize that as the accomplishment it was.
~And, I should have been thanking God every day for a dad who would drive 12 hours round trip just to see me every other weekend. He so much wanted to spend time with me that he even actually “technically” kidnapped me when my parents were first separated when I was about 2 years old. That’s maybe for another blog post but he had my grandpa pick me up for his weekend to see me and we just kept driving….from North Dakota to Washington. My grandpa didn’t know what was going on and we would kid him over the years about being the getaway driver. Gpa never thought it was very funny. But, how many girls grow up without a dad in their life? I was beyond blessed.
It’s taken a lot of blood, sweat and many many TEARS to let go of my past. And, sometimes….and even recently…..it started to weigh me down again, but I can finally say, I FEEL EMPOWERED!
Empowered to go back and find that little girl who got lost along the way! Empowered to change! Empowered to let go! Empowered to help other women do the same! Empowered to be a stronger mother! Empowered to work harder on my marriage! Empowered to write this blog! Empowered to write a book! Empowered to grow a team of like-minded women! Empowered to fail forward! Empowered to never waste another minute trying to be anyone other than the person that I am!