randomness Archives -

I feel like a crazy person!!

06|23|2017

My IUD Story
(This should maybe read “My IUD LONG Story” lol ~ sorry it’s so long but not sure what to leave out)

“I feel like a CRAZY person.” ~me

This is often how I’ve described myself in the past two years to family, friends, doctors, and my therapist.

I’ve said “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?!?” to my hubby more than once.

I can’t remember the last time I went through an entire day without thinking it.

And, I’ve said, “I feel like I’m sucking at life” to my gynecologist and therapist very recently.

I’ve felt like a terrible mom, wife, friend, coach and employee.

I’ve been undependable, scattered, forgetful, and more.

I’ve felt like a fraud, a hypochondriac and a hypocrite.

AND, I’m not sure I’ve EVER felt more relieved than I do as I write this post!!!!!!!!!!!

If you’re new here, you can catch up a little HERE, HERE and HERE.

For a little more than two years now, I’ve been dealing with an array of health issues.

I’ve gained over 35 lbs.

My acne is worse than it ever was in high school….even cystic at times….and it often covers my chest and my back.

I’ve been dealing with often debilitating depression and anxiety.

I’ve had digestive issues, extreme fatigue, sleeping too little or too much, brain fog, forgetfulness, occasional blurred vision, hair thinning, hair growing in places it never was before, lower back pain, abdominal pain, breast tenderness, pain lower than my abdomen, nausea, shortness of breath, difficulty breathing in the mornings, puffy face and ankles, heart palpitations, sugar cravings, headaches and bloating to the point I can look like I’m 7 months preggo by the end of the day. I even felt like I had lost my creativity. My whole life I’ve been creative and was noticing that even if I did have a good idea for a fitness challenge or a blog post one minute, I would forget what the idea even was the next….

I went to a family doctor last spring after going through almost a month of extreme pain and uncomfortableness and needing to lay down basically the minute I would get home from work. We did countless blood tests, tried at least three different medications known to help IBS symptoms, an abdominal ultrasound, a CT scan….all of which came up empty of answers….with the exception of my blood tests showing that my body was fighting something…fighting some type of infection according to my family doctor.

After several months of this, my doctor basically said we can’t find anything, prescribed a really expensive antibiotic and Naproxen, diagnosed me with reactive arthritis (I at one point woke up one day with a swollen toe which would end up wreaking a ton of havoc on my ability to exercise…even walk without pain. Apparently reactive arthritis can happen in your joints when your body is fighting an infection in some other part of the body. Crazy, huh??), diagnosed me with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and suggested a gastroenterology referral. I declined the referral at the time because I was exhausted from trying and I honestly just didn’t think it was all because of my digestive system. I had used all my flex money and more, even though having good health insurance.

My abdominal pain and several of my symptoms were MARKEDLY better after the short course of that antibiotic. In fact, there were several months after that I didn’t really notice much in the area of pain at all…but the acne, mental issues and the rest never went away….and seemed to only be getting worse. (My toe would be a source of pain for months but the Naproxen definitely helped. To this day, it still often throbs and aches).

I honestly think I just resigned myself to the fact I was just gonna feel like this. They couldn’t find anything really wrong with me. I was trusting what my dr. said and decided to just try to treat my IBS symptoms.

And, even more honestly, I started to think I was MAKING myself sick. Ha, yes, the whole hypochondriac part. I felt guilty about complaining about it to anyone. And, I do believe the more we fixate on something, the worse it can seem.

I would try many nutritional approaches and changes to my diet. I avoided high FODMAP foods for a while. I went gluten and dairy free for a while. I have tried low fat and low calorie. I have tried high fat and low carb. I have tried plant-based. Losing weight would happen a few times in this period but only with following the lower fat & lower calorie approaches and when I loosened up my nutrition, the weight would pile back on and FAST.

I’ve also been seeing a therapist almost this entire time. I’ve tried two different anti-depressants but was REALLY stubborn and wanted to try overcome with nutrition and exercise. I did an 8-week course for anxiety and depression last fall with some definite improvement but after the course was over, much of at least my anxiety returned.

Now, I won’t say I didn’t have any “good” days in there because I definitely did! There were days I felt like glimpses of the “old me”….days where I was very excited and positive….days where I was on-task and productive….days when my tummy felt ok and the pain more of just a dull ache. But many not-so-good days when even the littlest thing on my to-do list would completely overwhelm me….to the point I just wouldn’t do ANYTHING….almost as if I was paralyzed….days when I didn’t wanna get out of bed….and days when even the biggest clothes in my closet felt too small.

I reached another breaking point a few months ago and decided I was NOT ok with the quality of life I was living.

I was tired of feeling like a lazy, sub-par mom and wife because I was too tired and unmotivated and felt icky and quite honestly….BITCHY, short-fused and overly sensitive….a majority of the time. Real quality time was few and far between and usually involved watching TV together in bed lol. I was tired of living in a brain fog at work and the blurred vision many days a week left looking at my computer screens and numbers all day difficult. I was tired of barely being able to eek out a half hour workout. I was becoming more and more self conscious of my acne. And, I was tired of feeling like I was failing my coaches and my clients.

Enter in one of my “God things.”

I got an email from Chalene Johnson one random day about being invited to join a beta test group she was doing for a nutrition program she will be releasing to the public later this year.

I love my girl Chalene! I love her as a trainer and mentor. I have worked out live with her and she has presented at several conferences I’ve attended and she gets me excited and inspired about entreprenurial possibilities.

In I think maybe even her first video within the group, she said something about how you should be your own detective when it comes to your nutrition…..and ultimately your health!

So, I started playing detective again but not only with my nutrition….

Now, of course Google can be your best friend or your worst enemy.

But, I started Googling my symptoms.

And, one day, I found a blogger who was sharing her battle with PCOS.

Many of my symptoms seemed to fit PCOS….so I kept researching to eventually find that there was a potential link between PCOS and the Mirena IUD…..which I ironically had inserted in February of 2015. (Interestingly, we found my symptoms and the weight gain started in the few short months after I got it!) I called my OBGYN’s office right away to make an appointment to talk about my options and see what she thought. It would be over three weeks before I was able to get in but it would turn out to be an appointment I should’ve made more than a year ago.

It seems PCOS can be difficult to diagnose but she said I definitely had signs of a “pcos metabolism.” Weight gain and weight loss resistance are right up there with PCOS, so she ordered a pelvic ultrasound and asked if I wanted her to remove the Mirena. It can stay in for 5 years, it was expensive and I was “only” halfway through those 5 years so she asked if I wanted to take some time and think about it. But, I didn’t hesitate and we removed it in that very appointment. A few days later, I was found to have a cyst in one of my ovaries. Cysts are common but ideally our female bodies break up the cysts through our menstrual cycle. The is also a correlation of cyst formation with the Mirena and cysts can be painful if they do not resolve on their own….which could explain my chronic abdominal pain, the pain in my pelvic region and even the lower back pain.

After the Mirena was gone, I started to dive more into the possible side effects of it. I had almost EVERYTHING on the list! Of course I read about them before I got it but I think it’s one of those things where you think, “Well, those things won’t happen to me….and how common are they anyway.” There are hundreds….maybe even thousands….of women who didn’t do well with this thing. There have been many lawsuits filed against Bayer, the pharmaceutical company that makes Mirena. Even Erin Brockovich had at one point started a movement for “Mirena survivors” to pursue litigation. And, there are women out there who even feel it should be taken off the market. I even found a book called the “Mirena Detox” that talks about how to help the transition off it and to stabilize your hormones sooner. There are even many sites that talk about a “Mirena crash” as your body starts to regain control.

Most doctors seem to say they still believe Mirena is a safe form of birth control. And, most doctors do not agree with any correlation of weight gain and the Mirena.

But, the personal stories you would find don’t lie.

Here are just some I found (not the best grammar lol but interesting none-the-less):

Elena, “When I was with the IUD, I managed to gain 40 pounds in 3 years. The device has been removed a few months ago, and so far 30 pounds eliminated. I do not feel well, and I hope that other women have better results “.
Stacy, “I’m with the IUD for almost five years, and I diet and exercise regularly. I try to eat well, not to gain extra pounds. I gained weight so far not significantly, I feel that my breasts are bigger. I think I can share a little more when I remove and observe if I gain or lose weight.”
Megan, “I am on my second attempt with the IUD, and different from the first, I am now practicing many exercises like Zumba, yoga, and cardio. I hope this time, unlike the first, I do not get 15 kilos.”
Melissa, “Since I put the IUD, I gained 60 pounds, and no matter the diet or regularly training, I can not even lose 1. There is nothing wrong with my exams, but I feel anxious, tired and without libido, in addition to acne problems.”
Judith, “I would love to magically lose a few pounds after removing the IUD, but this would not be true. There were no weight gain problems but my issue is that I do not lose a gram, and I see that my diet and exercise were very strict “. ~ http://www.wellnesscommunitydc.org/mirena-iud-and-weight-gain-any-link/

And, I’ve watched several stories on YouTube ~ my heart hurts for many of these women!

https://youtu.be/vF3dpy6fiqA

When my doctor was leaving the exam room that day, with a comforting smile and a hand on my knee….”I wish you had came to see me sooner.”

And, it’s hard for me to think back to over a year ago when I was first doctoring. Not even once did my family doctor mention this could be hormone-related or anything to do with the Mirena or suggest a referral to my obgyn. And, even the ultrasound techs who did my abdominal were surprised my doctor didn’t order a pelvic as well. But, doctors are human, too….and many of my symptoms were indicative of a digestive problem AND I suppose it’s called “general medicine” for a reason.

Now, of course part of me thinks maybe it’s just too soon to say YES this was all because of the Mirena. BUT, sometimes you just know your body, too ~ it’s only been about 9 days since it’s been gone and I already feel like a different person. I’ve felt a little bit better with each passing day. I feel this almost eery calmness…..as if my body just knows we are back on the right path to health. I’ve dropped 6 lbs. My bloating is CRAZY better…..not gone but so much better. My active acne last week seems to quickly be scabbing over. I haven’t had even one day of blurred vision since it’s been gone and that was happening at least 2-3 days a week and often more. I feel like much less of a crazy person (let’s be real, I’ll always be a certain level of crazy lol). I’ve been actually waking up before my alarm and not having to pry myself out of bed in the mornings.

I really believe those blood tests that showed my body was fighting an infection over a year ago was really showing my body was fighting the Mirena. And, I also feel like my reactive arthritis was because of it as well.

Now, consider this more of a cautionary tale or a PSA (public service announcement lol) 🙂 If you have an IUD, I’m not suggesting you run out and ask your doctor to remove it. But, if you are noticing any of the things I’ve talked about since you got it, I definitely believe it’s worth consulting with your doctor about! And, I’m also not trying to talk anyone out of getting one. I have a few friends who have one and have not had any known issues. AND, as far as birth control goes, it sure makes life easier for us women lol! But after reading so many stories about women who have had terrible experiences with it, I had to share my story as well. I’ve already had one person reach out to me because I was talking to a friend about this whole ordeal. Her friend was experiencing many of the same symptoms I was and after having hers for four years, within a week she chose to have hers removed as well!

I think I said this in one of my last posts but we have one body and one life, right? Take ownership of your health! Listen to your body. Don’t be afraid of going to your doctor or getting a second opinion!

And, to leave all the women in the house with a #fridayfunny about the things we go through 😉 A friend shared this this morning and since I had several people ask me if I was going into early menopause through all this, I found it especially funny. My OBGYN assured me I’m not….ha, YET anyway lol 😉 Always something to look forward to for us…..gosh, what us women go through, right?!? Can I get an amen?? #menhaveitsoeasy #donttellmyhubbyisaidthat

You Fall. You Rise.

06|5|2017

HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY strangers!!

It’s sad I had to look back at the last time I blogged.

It was the middle of March!!

I’ve missed it….without a doubt. But, truth be told, I’ve been struggling to find my words. I was stuck in a pattern of thinking I had nothing of value to say but I didn’t really know why.

And, the longer I went without blogging…..the easier it was not to blog.

Ha, isn’t that just the thing about life?! Once you go a few days without doing something….even sometimes the things you love doing….it’s easy to let the days turn into WEEKS….the weeks turn into MONTHS…hopefully not YEARS but that happens, too! (I see and hear this with exercise ALLLLLLL the time too btw ~ especially when people start out with something they don’t love OR they don’t see immediate results! Instead of trying something else, they give up. And, instead of practicing a little patience, they give up when they don’t see results.)

And, as with exercise, welllllllll……as with ANYTHING really….it’s never too late to get back in the saddle again! AND, instead of shaming yourself or feeling guilty for getting a little lost or for failing at a new goal, just decide to rise again!! Reflect on WHY it didn’t work. Reach out to an expert or a mentor or sometimes just even a FRIEND. Set NEW goals. Find a different way.

What’s helped me rise again to the challenge of writing and sharing my story…..well, sharing more of my story than the few blips on Facebook and IG from time to time?

I reflected. I reached out. I recognized I made mistakes in my approach. I learned from said mistakes. I set new goals. AND, I found a different way!!!!! (Now, all this pertains to my life in general in the past several months….but first to share about blogging again.)

Last week, I met with a blogging expert recommended by Jen Hatmaker, Micah J. Murray. (Where are all my Jen lovers?!?! She rocks my socks off, and if you’re a Believer and not following her, you totally should 🙂 You can follow her here!) So, I’m not surprised someone she recommended would TOTALLY help turn this whole blog-ship around! (His name is Micah and if you’re looking for an awesome workshop to help you blog or for a 1-on-1 to help you find your voice, I would definitely connect with him!!)

When he asked me what I wanted to focus on for our call, I immediately starting talking about feeling like I lost my voice. After some probing questions about how often I blog, the goals I had set and about the overall look and layout of my site, he had some incredible insight to WHY in fact I was stuck.

Last October after attending an annual conference for administrative assistants, I made it a goal to blog every day. We had just witnessed a presentation by an amazing artist who had committed to writing a new SONG every day for a year. I was like, DANG, if this guy can write a new SONG every day, surely I can write a blog post every day. I wanted to do my part to change the world…if even just a little…every day.

I did pretty well going after that new goal and I was loving writing. Did I FEEL like writing every day? No. But, for the most part, I enjoyed it….I was finding the words to say what I wanted to say….and I was doing it. UNTIL my blog was the target of a hacker. I still don’t know a lot about being hacked ~ why they do it and what they gain from it. I’m guessing it was purely random and coincidental my site was targeted BUT I can tell you that the expense of fixing it and knowing they had access to the INS of my site felt very violating. My site was down and up and up and down for weeks and honestly there are STILL remnants of what happened. And, I spent hundreds of dollars paying experts to clean and protect it. I made the mistake of not researching what I needed to have to be protected. And, it not only cost me a lot of money and time to fix but it seriously took the wind of out my writing sails.

The next mistake I made was my goal of publishing a blog post every day.

I hadn’t really looked at it like this but Micah opened my eyes to the fact that it’s REALLY challenging to have enough creative energy to keep up with that kind of blogging schedule. And, given I work full-time and have a side hustle as a wellness coach, in addition to focusing my family and friends, it was simply too lofty of a goal. My new goal is 1 to 2 times a week 🙂

And, since I’m human (remind me to tell y’all a little story about B and “humans” lol), I spent the better part of a month and a half until I chatted with Micah feeling down on myself for falling again…..for failing at a goal I set.

It’s taken me a while but I’m finally ok with failing at that goal. Because I now recognize the goal was just too big. I’m ALLLLLL about setting big goals and stretching myself….BUT this one just wasn’t a goal that was good for me or for my family in the season that we’re in. And, once I accepted that, I could let go of that feeling of failure.

The last thing that Micah believes has been holding me back is my online space. I had described just not feeling like my site was HOME to me anymore. It was almost like I felt like a stranger writing on it. I think this started to get worse after the hack….but I’d been feeling even before that that it just doesn’t show who I really am. It’s not bright and bold and honestly….there’s simply not enough PINK!! lol. When I first envisioned my site, it had a LOT of pink and colorful images and made you smile just to look at it (probably too much pink…..as if there’s such a thing)….but in the initial design, the developer was trying to incorporate pink and teal and black all together and it was just too much….I ended up saying no, let’s scale down….and then she recommended teal. ANYHOO, long story short, pink is my jam if you’re new around here 😉 So, I have a new design to be in the works soon…..WITH a new name and everything!!

AND, I have some exciting news about the new name!! I’ll be hosting a little reinventing my blog contest!! I MAY just end up using my name (that’s what many experts recommend). BUT, I’m just not sure that’s what I want to do! I want something that is fun and POPS and has ME written all over it….without just saying my name lol. And, I’m totally gonna be giving away prizes for submissions that make the top 10 and a grand prize if I end up choosing a name that’s submitted!! Stay tuned for more deets on how you can help me reinvent my blog!

AND AND after all the help I received from Micah….I was going thru to approve comments from previous posts and I found this! It’s not to toot my own horn but I more wanted to share it because I think we ALL wonder from time to time if we are making a difference…and honestly, it just made me feel really good. As I’ve said before, if I’m making a difference and inspiring even ONE person with my story, it’s more than worth it to me. And, from day 1, my blog has been about healing myself thru my writing and it’s been a long road but the awesome, amazing news is that it has been helping me heal….in part because of messages like this.

“Dina,
Thank you for sharing your story. You are a very talented writer; one who makes you “feel” as the reader. That’s a gift, and you’ve got it! I love the inspiration I get every time I read one of your blogs or posts!
You are beautiful because of who you are!” ~Corena

I think my favorite part of it is “you are beautiful because of who you are.”

For far too long, I thought the only way to be beautiful was to be…….welllllll, I honestly didn’t think I could be. I just wanted to be someone else…..anyone but me. I didn’t think I had any gifts. I wanted to look and act and think and be gifted like “someone else.” And, I found my worth in the validation of others….

Well, the truth is, I’ve always been my own kind of beautiful because….I’M ME!!! And, I’ve always been worth because I’m His!!! This blog and my journey as a coach have helped me realize that!

And, guess what, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE, TOO. Plain. And. Simple. We each have our own unique gifts and it’s a FREAKING shame if you’re not sharing yours with the world. Maybe you don’t know what they are yet….but I can guarantee you you have them. You just have to dig deep and FIND THEM and THEN most importantly have the courage to go share them with the world. And, the next time you wanna try tell yourself anything but, JUST STOP. Start talking to yourself like you would your best friend. Would you ever tell your best friend they’re unlovable? Fat? Not pretty enuf? Not smart enuf? That they don’t have any gifts???

No.

So, why would you say those things to or think that of yourself?

Start acting like you are your best friend….because you are.

And, if you’re out there wanting to be someone else…..wanting to have someone else’s success and talents…..wanting someone else to validate your worth, JUST STOP.

Don’t waste another minute wanting to be or look or think or do like anyone but YOU!!!! Everything you need is already inside.

And all this leads me to rest of the story…..(can anyone hear Paul Harvey’s voice?!? if you’re young, you probably don’t even know who Paul Harvey is lol)

If you’re new around here, you maybe don’t know that I have fallen and got back up over and over and over again. And, you know what? That’s partly still my story but it doesn’t have to define me. It’s STILL freaking ok. It was OK that last time I fell. And, it’s STILL freaking OK!!

Why?

Because life happens.

And, because I will rise every time.

These past few years have been really hard. From debt to my marriage to my Faith to my health to my family.

As most of you know, I blog mostly about my health & fitness & personal growth journey. And, to try to write about what I’ve been going through is hard but I also know that we grow through what we go through and if this part of my story can help someone else, AGAIN it’s more than worth it to me to share.

As I write this post, I’m at the highest non-pregnancy weight I’ve ever been. And, while I will say all the time, it’s not about the weight you lose but the life you gain, I have to be honest that it’s hard to have my first blog post back in several months be in part about how I’ve gained weight and haven’t been owning my life. What makes it EASY is because of what I said above….we grow through what we go through. And, I have grown even stronger on the inside.

Yes, my weight has yo-yo’d yet again. I did a detox in February into March and despite some ongoing health issues I physically felt the best I had in months. But, I still didn’t feel GOOD….I didn’t feel right. I lost a little over 14 lbs. and 17 inches. And, to be completely transparent, I’ve gained all it of back plus about 5 lbs. It’s hard to admit that. It’s hard to say I “failed” again. Yes, it’s hard because I’m a health & fitness coach promoting a healthy, sustainable lifestyle change and I seemingly can’t figure out my own! BUT, more importantly, it’s hard because….I’m human.

I’ve experienced a LOT of “God things” as I like to call them since February. I will be blogging more about them but some things and opportunities have come into my life that I just KNOW were meant to to help me find the answers I’ve been searching so desperately for.

I’ve been fighting health issues for the better part of two years now. And after quite a bit of doctoring and money spent last spring, I kinda gave up trying to chase something that I felt was elusive. I didn’t give up on ME and kept trying a variety of things I would find through research on my own. But, it’s almost like I gave up on feeling normal again. I kinda resigned myself to the fact, well this is just how I’m gonna feel I guess since they just can’t find anything. Well, I reached a breaking point recently where it just wasn’t acceptable to me anymore and I got back in a more proactive role of trying to find out what’s wrong! After I starting gaining the weight again and was really paying attention to all the strange things happening with my body….even issues with my vision….I got back to the drawing board and started to take ownership again. I scheduled an appointment with my OBGYN because I’m starting to think many of my issues are hormonal and I started to become more of a detective with my health and specifically my nutrition. I’m not following any certain nutrition program with a set meal plan and a guide on when and what and how often and how much to eat. I’m making my own decisions but with the guidance of one of the most influential mentors in my life, Chalene Johnson. And, I feel the most hopeful and excited I have in a long long time.

No, the most important thing in life is NOT your weight. BUT, one of THE MOST IMPORTANT things in life is your BODY. You have one body and one life, right?!?

I have a long way to go again to regain my health and my body, but rest assured I AM GOING TO. I’ll be sharing more as I go through this next new exciting season!! Stay tuned….

And, I’ll leave you with this…..

We fall. We rise.
We make mistakes. We live & learn from those mistakes.
We’re HUMAN. We’re not perfect.
We’ve been hurt, but we’re still here.
We can choose to live….to breathe….to think….to enjoy…..TO FIND JOY….to chase the things we love.
Sometimes we will be sad, but for every moment of sadness there are more moments of beautiful.
We need to just keep putting one foot in front of the other….even when we hurt, even when we are sad, even when we feel lost….because we know that often the MIRACLE is JUST around the bend….just on the other side of the pain and sadness….and we don’t want to be the ones who quit just before the miracle.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

03|16|2017

My journey to repair my relationship with my body and with food has been filled with many peaks and valleys.

I’ve tried countless “diets”, pills, potions, fads and quick fixes.

I’ve went through seasons of totally not caring about what I ate to obsessing about what I ate over and over again.

I’ve isolated myself from family and friends in my more obsessive of seasons.

I’ve watched my weight yo-yo time and time again.

I’ve spent countless hours researching and reading and reading and researching for the “best” approach to finding food freedom and a healthy body image.

I’ve went through seasons of obsessive and excessive exercise.

All in the pursuit of finding my happy and “healthy” place.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” Henry David Thoreau

Wow.

What an ah-ha moment reading that was for me!

My answer has really been right in front of me my whole life. I just never saw it for what it was!

I had been looking for something external to “fix it”….to “fix” me.

But, it wasn’t ME that was broken…it was the way I saw myself! (Ok, I was and am a little broken. We’re all a little broken. BUT, I wasn’t broken in the way I thought I was. My weight and my size didn’t make me broken.)

I finally realized it wasn’t about a diet, a pill, a potion, a fad or a quick fix that could FIX me.

It was never about the weight. It wasn’t about the size of my jeans. It wasn’t about doing it all on my own. And, more recently for me, maybe it wasn’t even about being gluten-, sugar-, caffeine-, meat-, alcohol- and chewing gum-FREE.

It was simply about being FREE.

My latest journey to freedom was doing a 21-day detox program and it would turn out to be one of the most life-changing things I’ve done in my journey.

And, you know what? It didn’t change things for me because I lost a few lbs. and inches.

It changed things for me because I DID IT. I conquered something I never would’ve thought I could do. Maybe giving up all those things for 21 days would be a piece of cake for you but for me it was anything BUT. And, it changed things because even though I had thought I had learned how to “ditch the diet” when I started coaching, I realized through this that I’ve been trying to lose weight for the better part of 25 YEARS. I was trying to lose weight back when I really shouldn’t have been trying to!

I’m finally getting to my results and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited about them.

But, what I’m really excited about is the next step. I’m excited about my transition now.

Why am I so excited?? Ha, I’m sure you’re thinking, she’s ALWAYS saying she’s excited for her next step!

And, the truth is, I always am!! But, this time is a little different.

Because, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m not going to be focusing on losing weight.

And, it’s kinda scary ‘cuz it goes against everything I’ve ever known.

AND, it.already.feels.wonderful!

I’m going to be doing something called reverse dieting while following macros. I’ll be sharing more about it in the coming weeks but the long and short of it is, my next season will be uncharted territory for me. I’m going to be spending the next several months repairing my metabolism and continuing to repair my body image. It’s a time to focus solely on getting stronger. If I were to keep trying to lose body fat at this point, eventually my calories would be so low that it would be very counter-productive for my body. So, for the next several months, I will be slowly increasing my calories and probably even gaining a little weight back.

And, the best part of it is for me means that I’m not going to be giving up anything. My brain just doesn’t do well with deprivation. I wouldn’t change what I did these past 3 weeks and my body feels amazing right now, BUT I will say I was very close to binge behavior and I didn’t like that feeling at all.

So, no more guilt what-so-ever for having a diet coke here and there. No more guilt for having some candy. No more guilt for eating a cupcake. #everythinginmoderation. I’m starting to lean more towards stress being the reason my stomach was all out of whack early last year and why I had so many weird things going on this past year. And, while I always thought it was part of it, I don’t think I realized just how much until I started to come through some of the stress, depression and anxiety and how I had already been starting to feel so much better.

Ha, okay this is turning into a marathon blog post! See what happens when I don’t finish a post every day?!? Sorry guys!

And, now…here are the detox results!

The almost 18 inches overall #hadmelike YAY! I know some of this is water weight but it feels amazing! And, I even lost from my legs, arms and chest ~ not just my abs area. And, my skin is GREAT!!! I’m sleeping GREAT!!! So glad I did this!

And, NOW, I’m so glad to be getting back to my workouts and giving macros another shot but in a different way. I found a lot of clarity these past few months and I have more knowledge and more support than I’ve had when I’ve tried it in the past. I thought I’d share the cover photo in one of my support groups ~ Eat. In. Peace. #yesthatsthegoal And, yet, again, “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” Even when it comes to an unhealthy relationship with yourself and with food. #foodfreedom #eatinpeace

Monday Matters ~ Why Not You?

03|13|2017

I looked into coaching for almost a year before I finally took the plunge.

I sat back and watched a few coaches online.

I researched about it here and there.

And, for the better part of a year, I pretty much convinced myself that I didn’t have what it took to make it work. I convinced myself like so many times before that SURE other people could do it, love it, and change their lives but that I couldn’t.

After all, I wasn’t a salesperson. I didn’t already have a “BEACH BODY.” I didn’t know enough people. I lived in a small, rural community. I didn’t feel like I could afford to use Shakeology. I didn’t wanna push products on my friends & family or anyone else for that matter. And, I wasn’t an expert in health or fitness.

Yep, I thought all those things and let those things hold me back.

But, wow, was I wrong about what coaching really was!

I finally started coaching in October of 2013 and I’ve never looked back! I started asking WHY NOT ME?

When I finally got over myself, I found I was so so wrong for that year before I joined the coaching sisterhood.

I found that…..

coaching isn’t about sales!

coaching isn’t about already having a transformation story OR having a beach body!

coaching isn’t about how many people you know.

coaching isn’t about where you live or how small your community is.

shakeology seemed like an expense in the beginning when I was only a client but when I became a coach myself, got the discount and started earning an income right away, not only have I covered my investment every month, it’s become a staple in my nutrition (AND my fam loves it, too! In fact, B just asked if I would make her fave choc/pb/banana as I’m typing this). It’s my healthiest meal of the day. AND, it’s actually ended up saving me money by not going out to eat as often and skipping a lot of the junk food I bought before I started using it.

while many of my friends and family have very much supported me in this, WHILE investing in their own health & fitness, I have by no means had to rely on them to make this work.

AND, above all, it TOTALLY changed my life!

Have you ever considered doing what I do? My upline is hosting a webinar tonight at 8 CST and it will be a great opportunity for you if you’re curious about what it means to be a coach and why we love it like we do! You can click on the images in this blog post and join the event on FB! If you check it out, you will find a link to the live video in the event page and I’d love to hear what you think! Why not you?? #jointhesisterhood

#TuesdayTransformation

03|7|2017

Hey hey out there!

Finally getting a blog post up! I’ve been busy sleeping in my free time. (Only partly kidding.)

I’ll admit my life right now seems a little consumed by this whole detox thing lol. While it’s definitely gotten easier, there have been different phases and supplements and body changes to go through and get used to. And, being sure to LISTEN to my body has left me resting a LOT. Hence, the #ivebeenbusysleeping part. So, I’m still taking the stance that while this is not easy, it’s not hard.

That being said, if you know me, you know I like to say it like it is…..so….

Given how this has went so far and some things I’ve been researching along the way, I’m not sure this strict of a nutrition plan is a good idea for someone with a past history of an eating disorder like binge and closet eating. I will admit I was a little worried that this would set me up for failure. And, while I’ve stayed strong and on the plan 100%, I’m not sure I was quite ready for this. AND, I wanted to say this part in case you’re out there thinking of doing a detoxification plan or something really structured and strict and have had prior issues with food. I would still do this, and I know I CAN do this! And, it really only is 21 days…. But, it has created a lot of thinking about what I’m gonna eat when I’m done and I have gotten a little fixated on what I’m not having right now and that’s not exactly the healthy thoughts I was hoping to have. So, I just want to throw this out there to proceed with caution if you have any similar past behaviors as I do. While this is not a weight loss plan and is designed to help reset your body to “factory settings”, I just feel like even as much as your body could need and benefit from something like this, I want you to be sure you’re really in a good place with food first 🙂

Ok, now THAT being said, even given my past, I’m proud and determined to only go up from here! (or dare I say DOWN lol…but you know what I mean)

What this has taught me already is that if I can do THIS with my eating, I can do ANYTHING.

I will be sharing more of the things I’ve went through and that are so common with this after I’m done. My accountability partners often say, “Oh wow, I’m noticing that, too. Or that happened to me, too!”

Here are some of my food pics from the past week 🙂 I’ve still been eating a lot of the same thing to save money and time 🙂 And, it’s actually TOTALLY ended up saving me…..money and time! And, I don’t just mean as opposed to doing the full plan (I’m following something called the Crunch Plan where you repeat meals throughout the week) but for my life in general! My food budget and the time I’ve spent on food is far less in these two weeks than a typical week (aside from buying organic frozen blueberries for almost $10 at our local Wal-mart! yikes not cheap)! What it hasn’t saved me time from doing is actually eating! Ha, I swear it’s so much food that it takes me like a half hour to eat the meals. And, gotta love all the colors and the smells!

And, here are just a few of the temptations I faced!

#yesthosearecupcakesandididnthaveany ~ And, my subscribe & save from Amazon. #imayhavecriedalittle
And, it’s PEEPS season! YAY! I had to post on FB to see who loves them like me. I would say more people do NOT in fact love them…but it was a closer race than I thought it would be!

How many days do I have left? Well, the countdown is officially on! I’m on day 15 of 21!
And, I couldn’t be more excited about my results just two weeks in!
While I still haven’t stepped on the scale or remeasured, as I LOVE to tell my clients, pics don’t lie 🙂

Yes, #operationkillthebackfat is in full-force. #thatshitsgoingdown

There ya have it! The time really has went fast! And, I’ve been working pretty diligently behind the scenes on my next step. Let’s just say I’m so ready for it this time. AND, I so so so miss my workouts! I cannot WAIT to get back to them! Yoga has been great and necessary BUT I need to get my sweat on and get back to weights! Any guesses at to which program I’ve decided to start after I’m ready endurance-wise?? It’s not what I had originally planned 🙂 #staytuned

And, I just had to share this pic of my little that came up in my memories this week. This was one of my fave pics of her when she was little 🙂 She turns 7 this month! #wheredoesthetimego #stopgrowing #yesshesstillaskinghowmanyhourstilherbirthday #imeanhowcuteisshe 🙂

Ok, peace out guys!

And, instead of my live loved sig, #igotthis

Why me?……Why NOT me?

03|1|2017

If you’re new here, you maybe don’t know that on Wednesdays I love to talk about a #wcw (women crush wednesday if you’ve been living under a rock…j/k lol)……someone who especially inspired me for the week and who was on my heart to give a shout-out to or about women empowerment, girl bosses/boss babes, being a woman of Faith and really simply just about GIRL POWER.

Today, I wanted to share this post to talk a little more about my journey from being EMPTY and EMBARRASSED to being EMPOWERED.

I spent most of my life walking through the days asking “why me.”

~Why did I have to struggle with my weight and body image and food?

~Why did I have to grow up without much money?

~Why wasn’t I more like {insert name}?

~Why wasn’t I smarter?

~Why wasn’t I better at trigonometry?? (Thank God for my besties Tasha and Traci in high school or that could’ve turned out badly lol).

~Why did I have to leave my friends on the weekends and summers to go spend with my dad?

I was stuck in this vicious cycle of WHY ME. What did I do to deserve all these struggles?

Looking back on all those things I asked myself….and God….of “why me?” kinda makes me think….”Good grief Dina, maybe the REAL problem was you were a spoiled, entitled little BRAT.” lol

A few years ago, I found two outlets that helped me find the courage and the resources to start asking WHY NOT ME instead?

Coaching & writing 🙂

~I always felt so alone in my struggles with weight and my body image and food back then but now I know that a lot of girls…even women….struggle with those things. It makes me very sad and one of my missions in life now is to help girls and women alike overcome if that’s something they struggle with. And, I know now I was never really alone in how I felt about myself….I honestly just thought something was wrong with ME.

~We may not have had much money growing up but we lived in warm houses and never went without a meal. How many kids growing up in the world can say the same?

~I honestly wanted to be someone else. I had a few friends who I pretty much just wanted to be. I wanted to look like them…be as smart as them….have their lives. I wanted to be anyone but me. In the words of Kurt Cobain, “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” Ugh, yes…what a waste and it makes me very sad that I spent so much of my life wanting to be anyone but me.

~It turns out I was just the right amount of smart! Ha go figure. So, maybe I would never have passed Trig without my girlfriends and maybe I would never have passed Chem without the smartest kid in our class being MY lab partner, BUT, I was an honor student when I stood up on that stage on graduation day. We were the last class to graduate from our high school before they shut the doors and I got to stand up there and give a speech surrounded by my friends and family. It would be YEARS before I would recognize that as the accomplishment it was.

~And, I should have been thanking God every day for a dad who would drive 12 hours round trip just to see me every other weekend. He so much wanted to spend time with me that he even actually “technically” kidnapped me when my parents were first separated when I was about 2 years old. That’s maybe for another blog post but he had my grandpa pick me up for his weekend to see me and we just kept driving….from North Dakota to Washington. My grandpa didn’t know what was going on and we would kid him over the years about being the getaway driver. Gpa never thought it was very funny. But, how many girls grow up without a dad in their life? I was beyond blessed.

It’s taken a lot of blood, sweat and many many TEARS to let go of my past. And, sometimes….and even recently…..it started to weigh me down again, but I can finally say, I FEEL EMPOWERED!

Empowered to go back and find that little girl who got lost along the way! Empowered to change! Empowered to let go! Empowered to help other women do the same! Empowered to be a stronger mother! Empowered to work harder on my marriage! Empowered to write this blog! Empowered to write a book! Empowered to grow a team of like-minded women! Empowered to fail forward! Empowered to never waste another minute trying to be anyone other than the person that I am!

One common mistake people make when trying to make a change!

03|1|2017

One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up…..instead of what they have to gain.

Has this ever been you?

I know it’s been me!

In fact, I’m in the midst of a detox that I had on the shelf for months because I was SO caught up in what I’d have to give up (TEMPORARILY at that….well, here’s to HOPING most of it is temporary because y’all know I don’t like deprivation) vs. how it could help me.

I had to make the decision that the good would outweigh the bad and jump in already!

What things did I not wanna give up?

Wellllllll……

Time ~ I knew I was going to have to spend more time planning my meals, grocery shopping & meal prep
COFFEE
Sugar ~ aka CUPCAKES
Gluten ~ aka CUPCAKES
Alcohol
After Phase 1, animal protein….so no eggs or meat/fish for at least two weeks
Gum ~ I chew sugar-free but the guide says the chemicals and artificial sweeteners in it can affect your body, especially if your body is in a state of inflammation and stress. AND, did you know the second you start chewing, it stimulates your digestive system?! So, your body is “thinking” is gonna get food and then it doesn’t. One of the main goals with this detox is to let your digestive system “rest” as much as possible throughout the day and night.

Giving up anything you love, even for a period of time, goes back to those #unsexy things I talk about on Tuesdays (ha, now Wednesday….yes, late getting it done again!) ~ those things that may seem hard and sometimes unimportant in the short-term but can lead to HUGE progress down the road.

So, like I said, I had to make the decision to just do it.

It’s been challenging and I’m only 8 days in.

But, I’m doing it!

And, what have I already gained?????

Welllllll……

Time ~ ha, didn’t I just say I knew I’d have to give up time to plan, shop & prep? Well, what I found was that while it took more time upfront, I make several day’s worth of meals at once and SAVE time throughout the week when I’m busier! AND, I’m not as tempted to reach for something not on the plan and not stressed wondering what I’m gonna eat.
The sugar has been tough. I didn’t realize the mindless candy snacking I was doing at work. I mean, I did KNOW I was having too much candy during the day between different offices and the breakroom around here but now that I’m not doing it, it’s an eye-opener on how often I was walking into an office JUST to get candy! Nothing even work-related lol.
Gluten is one thing I’ve wondered about being sensitive to. But, there are lots of schools of thought out there that gluten intolerance is way less common than it seems in the midst of the gluten-free craze. I’m going to wait longer before I re-introduce it and find out. I’ve also thought of doing a test a friend suggested to me for peace of mind. It’s kinda spendy but it would be SO worth it if it were accurate. I’ll be talking more about that in posts down the road should I choose to try it 🙂 If you’re curious WHAT it is right now, you can reply to this post and I’ll send you the deets on it. I read one person found out she couldn’t eat PAPRIKA. I meant how random is that BUT how awesome would it be to KNOW you should avoid paprika lol. I’ve also learned through this process that often the body can build up intolerances to food. Say, you ate chicken every day for months….your body could POTENTIALLY develop an intolerance to chicken. Fascinating, right?! Ok, maybe I’m a nerd but I love nutrition and the body amazes me, so I find it very intriguing to learn more. Especially since one of the signs of an intolerance is bloating, and since before I started this I would often bloat to the point I looked like I was 7 months preggo, I’m very excited about the possibility of narrowing some of this down!
Ahhhhh, beer and wine. Yes, I do miss having beers with friends or my not-every-night-but-a-few-times-a-week glass of wine or TWO. BUT, I can tell you I don’t miss any headaches I would get or just that blah feeling.
The eggs and meat has been more challenging than I thought it would be. I LOVE EGGS! And, while I don’t LOVE meat all the time, for some reason I’m dreaming of filet mignons wrapped in as much bacon as possible lol. #gofigure ~The last time I craved meat like this was when I really WAS preggo! #noimnot ~And, my hubby caught fresh perch last weekend and I was dying to have some. I like perch even more than walleye! #yummo ~So, I WILL say I’m anxious to slowly add animal protein & fish back in and hit the Whole30. Ha, and then I will probably get sick of meat again.
The no gum has been tough. I love having a fresh mouth! But, this one turned out not to be a deal breaker lol.
I saved the hardest for last lol. COFFEE. #coffeemakestheworldgoround #asdocupcakes ~ Ummmm, safe to say this has been my hardest part. I keep hoping one day I will wake up and not wanna run for my Keurig. Like I said, I’m into week 2 and it hasn’t happened yet where some of the other cravings have gone. So, I’m gonna guess this one isn’t going anywhere. A friend told me she heard some people don’t like the taste of it after going through something like this. I guess we shall see! And, one of the most common questions I’ve been asked since I started this is “Why no coffee???” I’ll talk about that in a separate blog post but it mostly has to do with getting your body back to a balance of alkaline/acidic. I’m not sure my body is in out of balance and more acidic BUT giving up coffee for now is one of the ways to help find out AND reverse it.

Anyhoo, there ya have it! My most recent experience of delaying making a change because of how uncomfortable it would be for me. But, as the saying also goes, I decided the pain of staying the same would be worse than the pain of change.

So, if you’re out there feeling like I did a few months ago…..knowing you need to do something different but you just can’t seem to get started or you just don’t WANT to out of fear of failure and more, make a list of all the reasons you want something different for your life. Then, read those things over and over and over every day for a while. And, then, just DECIDE. It’s up to you. AND, THEN, PUSH THROUGH….because it will be hard before it gets easier 🙂 (If I can do it, YOU can do it! #forrealslol) If you want something different, you have to do something different 🙂

Oh, and just so you know, this is a post about nutrition and doing a detox plan BUT the idea of deciding you’re ready to make a change applies to so so many areas in your life! I’m reading a new book ~ a book that I’ve actually had for a long time now but hadn’t started ~ and as I was finishing reading my chapter tonight, this stood out to me ~ The Law of Diminishing Intent says, “The longer you wait to do something you should do now, the greater the odds that you will never actually do it.” John Maxwell in 15 Laws of Invaluable Growth

Let that sit for a moment. That hit me hard because a few short years ago I was so so close to “never actually doing it”….to never actually dreaming big…..to never actually taking action….to never actually failing forward. That would’ve been so sad if I had waited even a day longer 🙂

Monday Matters ~ Focus!

02|27|2017

Hey! I’m finally finishing a blog post! I blogged some this past week but I didn’t finish any of them lol! The first part of the week I just didn’t feel good. In fact, days 2 through 5 of my 21-day detox I felt like I had the flu. So, most evenings, I just listened to my body and rested. The guide says days 3 through 5 are commonly the toughest. I sure hope that’s the case. Day 6 was great! We had a good day as a family with church and just relaxing. And, I just felt really good! Today was a challenge, as I think I’m moving into the emotional release phase. I’ll be sharing about that in another post but let’s just say the human body amazes me!

My plan is still not to weigh until the end but this is me before I started and below 6 days in.

My bloating is so so much better! I’m noticing a lot of positives! Which makes staying the course much easier.

The planning and food prep hasn’t been bad at all and the best thing is it’s making me get back into the groove of meal planning and prepping every week! And, B is having fun helping me get things ready. I will definitely be having some of the meals on a regular basis! Like this microsalad! It’s DELISH! And, HUGE! I’ll also be sharing in another blog post some of my fave recipes so you can try them!

And, this southwest taco with homeade quac/pico 🙂

Ha, and just a few of the temptations at work!

I was frequenting that candy jar way too often for way too long lol! But, this no sugar thing is legit!

I’ve also given up coffee FOR NOW lol. I guess I never like to say never but I just don’t think I’ll be giving up coffee for the long-term. And, I’m realizing how many shirts and memes I have saved that are about coffee!

My other temptation this week was going grocery shopping while I was hungry. I waited too long in between breakfast and lunch on Saturday and then had to make a grocery run for raw pumpkin seeds (these toasted for 10 minutes and added to a salad are wonderful!) and a few other things I couldn’t get at our grocery store in town. So, it added an extra hour-and-a-half in between meals and I was HANGRY when I found myself HERE…..#notcool #notcool #iloveoreos (someone told me not too long ago that they don’t like oreos. I didn’t know such people existed 😉 )

She is my bright spot to keep pushing when things get tough…no matter what it is….even this 🙂 And, yes, we still have to have the car cart! She can barely get in and out but it’s still cool with me. I didn’t get a pic of her sprawled across the top this time but you can be sure she’s in & out & on top of this thing about 100 times in a trip lol.

And, my inspiration board helps, too 🙂

So, tonight I’m finishing my first week! I’ll admit I’ve had several times this past week wondering if I can do this for 21 days. But, whenever I’m struggling, I reach out to my accountability partners in this! There are 4 of us doing this together and I don’t know where I’d be without their support and encouragement! We’ve been sharing struggles and successes as we go and it’s been so helpful to get perspective from others.

And, on that note, our team’s next accountability group, The Sisterhood Challenge is kicking off March 6th! Making a change or starting something new is so much easier when you have support from peeps doing and fighting for the same thing! Like I said above, I’m not sure I could have been as positive and focused on this phase if it weren’t for my partners! If you’re ready for a change or just ready to push yourself to the next level, you should totally fill out this form so we can connect more and see if this would be a good fit for you and your goals! And, I like to focus on mindset and personal growth in groups and not just spending 21 days together talking only nutrition and workouts 🙂 I totally feel like groups just like this have helped me find go get my inner little girl who wasn’t afraid of anything! AND, special free offer for any new client who joins me by tomorrow evening ~ A FREE ROKU streaming stick ~ which is a $50 value to be used for the challenge BUT it also works for Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime and more! #thesisterhoodchallenge #sisterhood #letsgogether

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New beginnings….

02|21|2017

Happy Tuesday!

I started a new plan for the next 21 days and overall it’s a HAPPY DAY!

I’m happy I made it through the day for 1, and I’m happy about things to come.

Truth be told, I ordered the kit I started today months ago. But, I kept finding reasons….excuses maybe….that it wasn’t the right time to start. And, maybe I just really needed to be ready but I also think it had a lot to do with just making the decision to do it already!

I waited because of holidays…..vacations…..long weekends….social events…..and also because I didn’t wanna give up my more intense workouts for the better part of a month.

But, I finally decided ok enough is enough. There is ALWAYS going to be something. It’s never gonna be quite the right time. And, MAYBE just maybe, I’ll never be completely ready!

So, I just made the decision to start.

And, then I decided to let myself enjoy some treats lol. So, last week, I had one of my fave things every day……one day I had sushi ~ one day a diet coke ~ one day some pizza ~ one day some popcorn ~ AND, last but CERTAINLY not least, one day A CUPCAKE! We had a winter carnival here on Sunday for the kids and B won me a cupcake! How sweet is that?!? And, it was DELISH.

Here it was just in case you wanted to see it lol 🙂 The frosting was so so good!

So, after enjoying most of my fave treats last week, this weekend I got to work planning out my meals and grocery shopping!

Today’s food was so good! Overnight oats with fresh berries, quinoa salad with veggies and hummus and rice & beans with a sweet potato. For easier food prep and to save some time and money, I’ll be having these same meals for the next 3 days. And, then I’ll be switching it up for the last 3 days of Phase 1.

So, the successes today? The food was good ~ supplements were good except something called Power Greens.
Ha, that was kinda rough but put some lemon in it and just drank it really fast! And, there’s a new yoga program on #BOD just for the Reset! It felt amazing.

And, the struggles for today were going with coffee and not taking any candy out of my bosses office!! Oh, AND, taking before pics and weighing in was kinda tough for me BUT I’m feeling good and hopeful about what I’m doing and where I’m going….so, it’s all good! Since I’m not focusing on weight loss with this, I decided to weigh in this morning and then I won’t be weighing in again until day 22 🙂 I’m going to measure my progress on how I’m feeling, how I’m sleeping, and how my clothes are fitting!

And, had to share this since I was just talking about waiting and not being ready for change.
I don’t think we’re ever completely ready.
You just have to decide if the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

Monday Matters! (v3)

02|20|2017

A friend shared this with me today and it’s amazingly powerful!

And, I’m sharing the rest from HERE!

“watch the motivation video and you can pick the quotes here :

“So you have to trust that the dots will somehow will connect in your future
You have to trust in something
Your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.
Because believing that the dots will connect down the road
Will give you the confidence to follow your heart,
Even when it leads you off the well worn path.
And that will make all the difference.

Your time is limited,
So don’t waste it living someone else’s life
Don’t be trapped by dogma :
Which is living with the results of other people’s thinking
Don’t let the noise of other opinions drown out your own inner voices.
You’ve got to find what you love
And that is true for works
as its for your lovers
your work is gonna fill a large part of your life
And the only way to be truly satisfied
Is to do what you believe is great work
And the only way to do a great work
Is to love what you do
If you haven’t found it yet
Keep looking and don’t settle
Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition
There somehow, already know
What you truly want to become.” – Steve Jobs.

That you going to have some ups and you’re going to have some downs
Most people gave up on themselves easily
You know that a human spirit is powerful?
There is nothing as powerful – its hard to kill the human spirit!
Anybody can feel good when they have their health, they bills are paid, they have happy relationships
Anybody can be positive then,
Anybody can have a large of vision then
Anybody can have a lot of faith under those kind of circumstances
The real challenge of growth, mentally, emotionally and spiritually
Comes when you get knocked down
It takes courage to act
Part of being hungry when you’ve been defeated
It takes courage….
To start over again

Fear kills dream
Fear kills hope
Fear….put people in the hospital
Fear can age you
Can hold you back from doing something that you know within yourself that you are capable of doing,
But it will paralyzed you

At the end of your feelings is nothing,
But at the end of every principles is a promise
Behind your little feelings, it might not be absolutely nothing at the end of your little feelings
But behind every principles is a promise
And some of you in your life
The reason why you are not in your goal right now, because you just all about your feelings
All on your feelings, you don’t feel like waking up, so who does?

Everyday you say ‘no’ to your dreams,
You might be pushing your dreams back a whole six months, a whole year!
That one single day, that one day you didn’t get up could have pushed your stuff back I don’t know how long

Don’t allow your emotion to control you
We are emotional but we wanna begin to discipline your emotion
If you don’t discipline and contain your emotion, they will use you

You want it and you’re going to go all out to have it
Its not going to be easy, when you want to change
Its not easy. If it were in fact easy, everybody would do it
But if you’re serious, you’ll go all out

I’m in control here
I’m not going to let this let this get me down, I’m not going to let this destroy me!
I’m coming back!
And I’ll be stronger and better because of it
You have got to make a declaration
That this is what you stand for
You standing up for your dream
You standing up for piece of mind
You standing up for health
Take full responsibility for your life
Accepts where you are and the responsibility that you’re going to take yourself where you want to go
You can decide that I am going to live each day as if it were my last
Live your life with passion
With some drive
Decide that you are going to push yourself
The last chapter to your life has not been written yet
And it doesn’t matter about what happened yesterday
It doesn’t matter about what happened to you, what matter is
What are you going to do about it?

This year I will make this goal become a reality
I wont talk about it anymore
I Can
I Can!
I CAN!

To persevere I think its important for everybody
Don’t give up, Don’t give in
There’s always an answer to everything”

Credits to https://endamorphosis.wordpress.com/2014/09/22/unbroken/ ~