HOT MESS Archives -

I’ve learned a lot this year…

12|27|2016

When I came across this quote on Pinterest, I thought it was the perfect theme for my first blog post back since being hacked! It’s been about a month since I’ve been able to post and publish and I’ve missed my little outlet!

First, here’s the quote I found and a pic taken by Amanda Magnuson during a Mother’s Day special. 🙂

And, now for my part…..

I’ve learned that it’s okay to fall down. What’s not okay is to stay down. And, it’s even OKAY to fall down over and over and over as long as you’re always willing to try and get up again. We learn more about ourselves (AND others) in our losses than we ever will in our wins.

I’ve learned that having a victim mentality only leaves you more….of a victim. It will leave you stuck. Take ownership of your own life. You don’t have to be a victim of your circumstances. Have you ever heard the saying, “Things don’t happen TO you they happen FOR you?” ~ Michael Hyatt #onpoint ~ Now, of course some of those things will be devastatingly sad and often tragic. But, it’s so true that how we get through life is how we face those things….how we come through the storm. Horrible things have and will continue to happen to all of us but we have a God to thank for letting us LOVE. If we didn’t have the gift and the ability to love, we would never know pain. And, if we never knew pain, we would never need belief and Faith. And, what does Julia Roberts say in Steel Magnolias….still one of my favorite lines in a movie like EVER ~ “I would rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.”

I’ve learned that we should be more like kids and be persistent in asking for the things we want in life. When was the last time your kid only asked for something he or she wanted once?!?

I’ve learned that there are some cartoons I can tolerate more than others. Barbie and the Dreamhouse, YES. Peppa Pig, NO.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to ask for help, even if it makes you look silly. If you’re not willing to look silly from time to time, nothing great will EVER happen for you.

I’ve learned that being vulnerable is healing, even if it makes you look silly like I mentioned above…from time to time. I have no doubt I’ve make myself look silly since I started this blog and sharing my story. I’ve talked about binge and closet eating….about hiding food….about being a jealous person….about comparing myself to others…about being lost in my Faith….about bad habits….about starting different workout programs and not finishing….I could go on but I digress… 😉 But, I can also say that having someone reach out to me saying they’ve been in the same place before and can relate to something in my story and that it just helps to know they are not alone made everything worth me looking a little silly. I would rather look silly for a while and help myself and others heal in the process than to only show y’all my highlight reel.

I’ve learned that sometimes our joy is just broken and we don’t always know why or when it happened. And, that there aren’t always answers for it. AND, sometimes you can spend way too many precious moments that you’ll never get back looking for answers that don’t exist. Sometimes you just have to let it be. Sometimes you just have to let go so you can find your joy again. #letgoandletGod

I’ve learned that trying to please everyone but yourself will only leave you empty. Learning how and when to say no and when to say yes is the best service you can do for yourself. People will learn to respect you.

I’ve learned you’re never too old to change and to dream big. I’ve known this one for a few years now but this past year was the epitome of embracing this. As a coach, I’ve had the pleasure of connecting with people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s! Your age doesn’t define you! Just like the damn scale, it’s just a number. You’re only as old as you feel. I let it hold me back but I realized this year that although I wished I would’ve found coaching earlier in life and I wished I would’ve started my blog and written a book already, I probably was not ready to accept the opportunities. I had some learning and growing and coming into my own to do. And, I’ve been very busy doing that these past 3 years. We can play the whole woulda-shoulda-coulda-wish game OR we can just live for the day and keep pushing to live our lives by our own design….no matter if we’re in our 20s or our 80s!

I’ve learned that there is still really good, wholesome TV out there. #ThisIsUs #bestshowthisyear

I’ve learned that doing the best I can as a mom is GOOD enough! I’ll be straight up that there are many days I wake up and ask myself “How bad am I gonna screw her up today?” And, while it’s taken me over 6 years, I’m finally getting to the point where I’m okay with just doing the best I can. Some days I work too much at home. Some days I give in to her demands too much and too often. Some days I am short with her for no fault of her own. Some days I forget to sign her school binder until she’s getting ready to get out of the car at school. Some days I don’t make her go to church. And, some days (okay ALL the days), I buy the cupcakes (and the cookies). But, I just started to embrace the fact I’m a #hotmessmom. I stay the bath tub and read with a glass of wine too long sometimes. I hate baking so I buy the cupcakes. I let her eat popcorn in bed. And, she STILL drinks chocolate milk from a sippy at night and falls asleep to Netflix. And, here’s the deal….I probably just made myself look rather silly to a lot of you moms out there and that’s freaking OKAY. AND, quite possibly, I just made a LOT of you moms out there feel REALLY good about your parenting skills. #heyigotskillstoo but #youdoyou ~ ‘cuz you know what, if you’re the complete opposite of me on all those things, I would EMBRACE and ADMIRE you….because….again….#youdoyou #maybeyoucanshowmehow ~ These past few years are the first years in my life where I started to just be okay with being…..ME. I’m tired of apologizing to and for myself for just being…..ME….the hot mess that I am. And, I’m pretty sure despite all my craziness, B still knows I love her and that I would give anything to protect her.

I’ve learned that having depression and anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. I was dealing with it most of this year and unlike the two other times in my life when it was really bad, this time I had the courage to talk about….to ask for help. And, I wouldn’t be where I am today had I not been honest….with myself and others about it. One of my mentors has said you should wait until you’re through a storm to talk about it openly….and mostly because if you haven’t healed, it can be counter-productive for you and you’re also not at a stage to help anyone else maybe dealing with the same. It can also honestly just look like you’re complaining or playing the victim. But, since I’m coming through it, I feel like I want to share some of it in the hopes it can maybe help someone else. I made a lot of mistakes working my way through this time and if talking about it could help someone else, I’m all for it. And some of the #hotmessness above is in part a reflection of what was going on with me. It’s hard enough to think about what it does to you but to think of what it can do to those around you is heartbreaking. Now, don’t get me wrong ~ I’m a hot mess regardless. I own that shit. But, there are things that can make it worse if you’re me. I’m working on a separate blog post but I want to stress that if you’re fighting that fight and you haven’t told anyone, you don’t have to suffer in silence. You can overcome so much sooner and in more healthy of ways if you talk to a professional or ask someone for help. There’s no shame in it what-so-ever and I truly believe it should be talked about. It seems to be a taboo subject for many. I’m here to talk about it openly.

I’ve learned that my love of baseball caps and beanies knows no boundaries. And, I love the mystery of “Am I on day 1 of clean hair or day 4 of not-so-clean-hair? #givemeallyourdryshampoo

I’ve learned that doing one thing really well when it feels like you suck at everything else is OKAY. I was really good at working out this year as long as I wasn’t limited by a few minor injuries and being sick. I focused hard on that one good thing I tell ya! And, I think I owe a lot of my sanity to my fitness!!!

I’ve learned there is TOTALLY a difference between really good wine and box wine. #iknowright?!?!

I’ve learned I’m still a total kid when it comes to Christmas. While I don’t care about a hundred gifts anymore, opening a box full of things that were all TOTALLY me from my sister, a new pair of Nikes from Daryn, and a Fearless Dogearred necklace from my mom made me smile. It made me smile almost as much as seeing all the excitement and smiles that B had every morning with the dang Elf on the Shelf and with Santa and the Tooth Fairy BOTH on Christmas Eve. YES, girlfriend was visited by Santa AND the Tooth Fairy on the same night. #whatarethechances

So, there you have it. I will have more of what I learned this past year and other things about how excited I am for a new year coming soon. But, wanted to say HEY….so HEYyyyyyyyY! I’m back and I’m SUPER excited to just be….back.

Woman Crush Wednesday #wcw v5

08|31|2016

So, a bunch of us girls from work went to Bad Moms last Sunday night and it was so funny most of us cried and/or peed our pants from laughing so hard.

Now, if you haven’t seen it, I should warn you ~ it’s risque…there’s plenty of swearing…and it’s freaking awesomely hilarious so if you don’t like either of those first two things AND you don’t like to laugh, this MAY not be the show for you.

Before we went, my sister had told us about an interview she saw with Kristin Bell (one of the actors in it who was PERFECT in her role and seriously cracked me up) about how if you watch that show as a mom and you CAN’T relate to any of it, then you’re one of two things….in denial….or in denial….lol.

So, my #wcw this week is going out to the cast of Bad Moms ‘cuz these chicks are gorgeous and so talented and I’m embracing my bad-hot-mess-mom-ness (new word alert!!) for what it is lol.

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#icanteven #wehavetobringdownalltheperfectmoms

Ya’ll heard me talk before about being a hot mess mom….even have a support group for that shit (which it’s slowly getting off the ground but I’m still so excited about it) and if you care to join us you can fill out this app detailing your hotmessness and I will let you know if you meet the required level of said hotmessness lol.

So, during and after that movie, I seriously had to stop thinking about all the things I epically fail at as far as B is concerned. I won’t share them all…..as even the few I’m about to share might scare you a little. But, I wanna share my stories and then share why even tho I fail a little every day as a mom, I also succeed….every day….as a mom.

Her favorite song is Girl Crush. Literally knows all the words. (Well, okay, truth be told she does have some lyricosis when she sings it and some of the words she replaces with her own are HILARIOUS….kinda reminds me of Jan Munyon for any of you out there reading this who know her lol.) Thank goodness B has no idea what the song means but it’s not good when she recommends it to her little friends. And, I probably made the #badmoms list for some of their moms. ~ But…..I’m gonna chalk this one up to many of you moms out there also have a few choice words or lyrics to songs that your kid(s) know that you’d SO rather they didn’t know….but they do know….lol. I don’t think she’s ready for a conversation about that song, so I’ll just keep trying to distract her when it comes on.

I love Little Big Town btw ~ and the gal that sings Girl Crush…LOVE her hair 🙂

I let her wear pretty much anything she wants to wear. I try so hard to get her to choose nice, clean, matching, presentable outfits….but she OFTEN goes back to change into something else….especially if I have to leave the house earlier and dad takes her to school. Earlier this week, I left them early and when I picked her up after daycare, she had on a seriously distressed tank that’s pretty much see-through and has a hole in the front. Today, she wore a t-shirt her auntie let her have that was like 3 sizes too big and was red, white & blue with a pair of short-short brown & pink leopard print shorts that you could barely see she had on ‘cuz the t was so long and blown out shoes I just bought her. Not only do I pick my battles with her, I don’t want to squash her creativity. And, while I cringe at the way she seemingly disregards how red white and blue and brown and pink SO do not go together, I let her be her. I’m ALLLL about the statement “you do you girl.” I spent my whole life being suffocatingly self-conscious and you can be certain I won’t purposely make her start questioning her sense of style or ANYTHING ELSE for that matter. And, then there are the times it’s TOTALLY on me….like the fact I’m often in such a hurry for things like….CHURCH….that I don’t stop to realize the pretty NECKLACE she just put on is actually beer mug “mardi gras” beads from a Gnarly Barley BEER RUN I helped with in June. ~Let’s try let our kids be kids. Obviously as parents we have to set rules and control what we can but I also believe letting them find and express themselves is beyond important. I mean, maybe don’t let them wear a beer mug necklace to church or anything but….#letgoandletGod #imsorry

The tshirt and short shorts and blown out shoes lol.
Yup, this was a pic I snapped in the playground that day….after church….when I finally realized what she had on. #yesthosearelittlebeermugs 🙂
We often don’t get to her school binder until we’re just about to rush out the door in the morning (yes, I’m still getting used to this whole check for homework thing….they didn’t have that in K) and I consider it a bonus if I actually remember to sign it every day. So, she read a little book to me she did yesterday in the car this morning on the ride to school. I wasn’t terribly proud of myself for it being that way BUT she was still VERY proud to show me it in the car. ~Often the PLACE and the TIMING matter far less to them than it does to you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Just show them how proud you are of them EVERY opportunity you get….even if it means you’re 5 minutes for work…..again.
Trust me….she doesn’t always love that I’m trying to take pics of her. But, what can I say….I’m obsessed with her!!! lol
I often SUGGEST she invite a friend for a sleepover so I can have a Friday or Saturday night to myself to work or read in a hot bath or watch Netflix (or often all the above!). ~Be okay with finding creative ways to carve out some alone time for yourself! We are only as good for our families as we are to and for ourselves.
I BUY THE CUPCAKES and you can read about my last blog post talking about this here lol. ~I used to feel guilty about this one but I’m just not that passionate about baking….I’m not that good at it….I don’t feel like I have time for it….and I eat far more than I give away. So, I NEEEEEEEED to just buy the cupcakes. And, seriously, if you’ve seen the movie and the part where she shows up to the bake sale with a half-eaten, store-bought container of donut holes?!? #classic #getsome #excepttheywouldaallbeengone NOW, if B decides she wants us to start doing different things together….like baking….I will find a way to support that. But, I’m kinda hoping she will decide it can be something like shooting hoops in the driveway instead lol.
This is soooooo #onpoint #lol. #imeanmycupcakeswouldNOTlooklikethat #anddidinotsaytheywouldbegone
She literally still gets a sippy cup of chocolate milk at night so she can lay down and drink it while she winds down from her day. I’ve tried to break this one many times and all that ends up happening is MOM wants to pull her hair out. ~Pick your battles. Granted, this is one I should fight harder for and I can only imagine a TON of you out there are cringing and rolling your eyes at the thought of this still happening BUT you’re not there at 9 p.m. at our house when the struggle is real to even remotely try to get her to go to bed. And, for real, if someone gave me a sippy of wine and told me to lay down and watch Netflix for a while, I would totally do it.

Oh you better believe I had to go see if that was really a thing….I’m in luck.
She doesn’t sleep in her own bed….like ever. I talk about this often enuf that I won’t bore ya’ll with that saga again but it’s a total #epicmomfail and I know it but I also kinda resigned myself to the fact she won’t ALWAYS want to do this. So, it will eventually happen. I mean really, she’s not gonna wanna tell her middle school friends she still sleeps with her mommy lol. ~I honestly knew other parents who “co-slept” when she was little and I was always like “OH HELL NO that’s not gonna be us.” Until…..it. was. us. Never say never my bad-hot-mess-mom friends. I say you do whatever the heck works for you and your family and if anyone wants to try judge you for it, well, you know what to do.
I have a hard time explaining conceptual things to her. For being so creative in many ways, she is SO literal and by-the-book in others. Like when she had a friend stay with us last weekend….We hit Applebee’s for lunch after church and then the park and splashpad and on the way home and just as we were getting ready to drop her friend off, she turned to B and said, “Brooklyn, don’t you wish this day would last forever?” B looked at her like she was crazy….just totally confused….and said, “Huh? Like what do you mean? It’s gonna get dark soon…..”….and I’m thinking in her mind she was saying hmmmmm, yeah girrrrrrl, I mean it’s gonna get dark and we’ll have to go to bed eventually ‘cuz our moms and dads will make us and I’m so confused by what you’re saying and it just doesn’t work like that does it?!? Ha, I was almost in tears from laughing. ~I often feel like I’m maybe failing on all levels on this one. While I want her to have common sense…which of course she does….I also don’t want her to take life and things people say too seriously. So, it’s hard to be able to try explain things to her without trying to tell her how she should think….ya know what I mean? I want her to be able to instead of thinking outside the box, think that THERE IS NO BOX. So, I’m gonna keep on dreaming for her and I’m gonna hold out hope she really will be a dreamer like me….only that she finds who she wants to be in life way before I did. Although, I know I needed to wait for her in order to find that for myself ~ so really, I guess it all worked out the way it was supposed to…and I know it will for her, too 🙂 So rest assured that we do the best with what we are given, and God has a plan.

This was the cutest picture of them that day ~ they were watching a plane land before we went in to lunch.
(Notice B’s boots! GORGEOUS dress from her Auntie…and then….those boots lol. #whatever #youdoyougirl #mommylovesyou)

MOMS ~ Remember you ARE enuf! It’s okay to not always have your shit together and to not have all the answers. And, it’s okay to have #epicmomfail after #epicmomfail….we’re all just here #failingforward. All you gotta do is love them hard and teach them to love God, themselves and others hard, too.

And, to prove my point, a friend who has 3 LITTLE girls, one a baby baby, posted this on Facebook today and I had to totally steal it.

Every mom’s gotta have goals….what’s YOUR goals today?!? 🙂

The #hotmessmoms Club

05|11|2016

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It’s almost 9 p.m. on a Tuesday.

There is clean laundry piled up on my couch.

We each ate supper at different times.

The dishwasher is still full of yesterday’s clean dishes.

My hallway closet is so full of junk things are falling off the shelves.

I still have thank you cards to write for B’s birthday….in March.

And, now, the 3 of us are laying in bed, all doing something different.

Daryn is watching Chicago Med.

B is playing on her iPad.

I’m blogging.

Some nights are a little better than this. Some are just. like. this.

We pretty much play musical beds at night, and at least one of us can expect to be somewhere different in the morning than when we went to sleep.

No matter how early I get up in the mornings, I’m forever running late.

I buy the cupcakes.

I given in to B too often. (What?!? Don’t look at me like that. She’s relentless).

She rarely lets me touch her hair, and I let her dress herself, and she often looks like a ragamuffin…..

BUT, she’s my ragamuffin.

AND, I’m getting more and more comfortable being a #hotmessmom.

I was a hot mess when I was pregnant with her.

I was a hot mess when she was little.

And, I’m still a HOT MESS.

The thing about it is that as long as she’s ~~relatively~~ clean, safe (ugh, tho, if you read my blog post this weekend it IS tempting to wrap her in bubble wrap for the next few years), happy and loved, that’s really all that matters.

And, so I embrace my #hotmessness and just try to get thru the day.

I decided it would be fun to connect with other #hotmessmoms out there and am kicking off the first #hotmessmoms Club in a private group on Facebook next Monday! It’s gonna be a “just for fun” group for moms with no requirements other than you have to promise that you are….in fact….a hot mess lol. It will be a safe place to share the mess and turn it into our message! And, it will be chalk full of videos like you see above, funny quotes, kids snack ideas, and more! If you want in, just reply to this post at the bottom of this page or if you’re seeing this post on FB, go ahead and drop the comment #hotmess in the comments! Let’s have some fun moms!

TODAY IS MY HOT MESS DAY. It is yours??