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“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

03|16|2017

My journey to repair my relationship with my body and with food has been filled with many peaks and valleys.

I’ve tried countless “diets”, pills, potions, fads and quick fixes.
I’ve went through seasons of totally not caring about what I ate to obsessing about what I ate over and over again.
I’ve isolated myself from family and friends in my more obsessive of seasons.
I’ve watched my weight yo-yo time and time again.
I’ve spent countless hours researching and reading and reading and researching for the “best” approach to finding food freedom and a healthy body image.
I’ve went through seasons of obsessive and excessive exercise.
All in the pursuit of finding my happy and “healthy” place.
“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” Henry David Thoreau
Wow.
What an ah-ha moment reading that was for me!
My answer has really been right in front of me my whole life. I just never saw it for what it was!
I had been looking for something external to “fix it”….to “fix” me.
But, it wasn’t ME that was broken…it was the way I saw myself! (Ok, I was and am a little broken. We’re all a little broken. BUT, I wasn’t broken in the way I thought I was. My weight and my size didn’t make me broken.)
 
I finally realized it wasn’t about a diet, a pill, a potion, a fad or a quick fix that could FIX me.
It was never about the weight. It wasn’t about the size of my jeans. It wasn’t about doing it all on my own. And, more recently for me, maybe it wasn’t even about being gluten-, sugar-, caffeine-, meat-, alcohol- and chewing gum-FREE.
It was simply about being FREE.
My latest journey to freedom was doing a 21-day detox program and it would turn out to be one of the most life-changing things I’ve done in my journey.
And, you know what? It didn’t change things for me because I lost a few lbs. and inches.
 
It changed things for me because I DID IT. I conquered something I never would’ve thought I could do. Maybe giving up all those things for 21 days would be a piece of cake for you but for me it was anything BUT. And, it changed things because even though I had thought I had learned how to “ditch the diet” when I started coaching, I realized through this that I’ve been trying to lose weight for the better part of 25 YEARS. I was trying to lose weight back when I really shouldn’t have been trying to!
I’m finally getting to my results and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited about them.
But, what I’m really excited about is the next step. I’m excited about my transition now.
Why am I so excited?? Ha, I’m sure you’re thinking, she’s ALWAYS saying she’s excited for her next step!
And, the truth is, I always am!! But, this time is a little different.
Because, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m not going to be focusing on losing weight.
And, it’s kinda scary ‘cuz it goes against everything I’ve ever known.
AND, it.already.feels.wonderful!
I’m going to be doing something called reverse dieting while following macros. I’ll be sharing more about it in the coming weeks but the long and short of it is, my next season will be uncharted territory for me. I’m going to be spending the next several months repairing my metabolism and continuing to repair my body image. It’s a time to focus solely on getting stronger. If I were to keep trying to lose body fat at this point, eventually my calories would be so low that it would be very counter-productive for my body. So, for the next several months, I will be slowly increasing my calories and probably even gaining a little weight back.
And, the best part of it is for me means that I’m not going to be giving up anything. My brain just doesn’t do well with deprivation. I wouldn’t change what I did these past 3 weeks and my body feels amazing right now, BUT I will say I was very close to binge behavior and I didn’t like that feeling at all.
So, no more guilt what-so-ever for having a diet coke here and there. No more guilt for having some candy. No more guilt for eating a cupcake. #everythinginmoderation. I’m starting to lean more towards stress being the reason my stomach was all out of whack early last year and why I had so many weird things going on this past year. And, while I always thought it was part of it, I don’t think I realized just how much until I started to come through some of the stress, depression and anxiety and how I had already been starting to feel so much better.
Ha, okay this is turning into a marathon blog post! See what happens when I don’t finish a post every day?!? Sorry guys!
And, now…here are the detox results!
 
The almost 18 inches overall #hadmelike YAY! I know some of this is water weight but it feels amazing! And, I even lost from my legs, arms and chest ~ not just my abs area. And, my skin is GREAT!!! I’m sleeping GREAT!!! So glad I did this!
And, NOW, I’m so glad to be getting back to my workouts and giving macros another shot but in a different way. I found a lot of clarity these past few months and I have more knowledge and more support than I’ve had when I’ve tried it in the past. I thought I’d share the cover photo in one of my support groups ~ Eat. In. Peace. #yesthatsthegoal And, yet, again, “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” Even when it comes to an unhealthy relationship with yourself and with food. #foodfreedom #eatinpeace

One common mistake people make when trying to make a change!

03|1|2017

One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up…..instead of what they have to gain.

Has this ever been you?

I know it’s been me!

In fact, I’m in the midst of a detox that I had on the shelf for months because I was SO caught up in what I’d have to give up (TEMPORARILY at that….well, here’s to HOPING most of it is temporary because y’all know I don’t like deprivation) vs. how it could help me.

I had to make the decision that the good would outweigh the bad and jump in already!

What things did I not wanna give up?

Wellllllll……

  • Time ~ I knew I was going to have to spend more time planning my meals, grocery shopping & meal prep
  • COFFEE
  • Sugar ~ aka CUPCAKES
  • Gluten ~ aka CUPCAKES
  • Alcohol
  • After Phase 1, animal protein….so no eggs or meat/fish for at least two weeks
  • Gum ~ I chew sugar-free but the guide says the chemicals and artificial sweeteners in it can affect your body, especially if your body is in a state of inflammation and stress. AND, did you know the second you start chewing, it stimulates your digestive system?! So, your body is “thinking” is gonna get food and then it doesn’t. One of the main goals with this detox is to let your digestive system “rest” as much as possible throughout the day and night.

Giving up anything you love, even for a period of time, goes back to those #unsexy things I talk about on Tuesdays (ha, now Wednesday….yes, late getting it done again!) ~ those things that may seem hard and sometimes unimportant in the short-term but can lead to HUGE progress down the road.

So, like I said, I had to make the decision to just do it.

It’s been challenging and I’m only 8 days in.

But, I’m doing it!

And, what have I already gained?????

Welllllll……

  • Time ~ ha, didn’t I just say I knew I’d have to give up time to plan, shop & prep? Well, what I found was that while it took more time upfront, I make several day’s worth of meals at once and SAVE time throughout the week when I’m busier! AND, I’m not as tempted to reach for something not on the plan and not stressed wondering what I’m gonna eat.
  • The sugar has been tough. I didn’t realize the mindless candy snacking I was doing at work. I mean, I did KNOW I was having too much candy during the day between different offices and the breakroom around here but now that I’m not doing it, it’s an eye-opener on how often I was walking into an office JUST to get candy! Nothing even work-related lol.
  • Gluten is one thing I’ve wondered about being sensitive to. But, there are lots of schools of thought out there that gluten intolerance is way less common than it seems in the midst of the gluten-free craze. I’m going to wait longer before I re-introduce it and find out. I’ve also thought of doing a test a friend suggested to me for peace of mind. It’s kinda spendy but it would be SO worth it if it were accurate. I’ll be talking more about that in posts down the road should I choose to try it 🙂 If you’re curious WHAT it is right now, you can reply to this post and I’ll send you the deets on it. I read one person found out she couldn’t eat PAPRIKA. I meant how random is that BUT how awesome would it be to KNOW you should avoid paprika lol. I’ve also learned through this process that often the body can build up intolerances to food. Say, you ate chicken every day for months….your body could POTENTIALLY develop an intolerance to chicken. Fascinating, right?! Ok, maybe I’m a nerd but I love nutrition and the body amazes me, so I find it very intriguing to learn more. Especially since one of the signs of an intolerance is bloating, and since before I started this I would often bloat to the point I looked like I was 7 months preggo, I’m very excited about the possibility of narrowing some of this down!
  • Ahhhhh, beer and wine. Yes, I do miss having beers with friends or my not-every-night-but-a-few-times-a-week glass of wine or TWO. BUT, I can tell you I don’t miss any headaches I would get or just that blah feeling.
  • The eggs and meat has been more challenging than I thought it would be. I LOVE EGGS! And, while I don’t LOVE meat all the time, for some reason I’m dreaming of filet mignons wrapped in as much bacon as possible lol. #gofigure ~The last time I craved meat like this was when I really WAS preggo! #noimnot ~And, my hubby caught fresh perch last weekend and I was dying to have some. I like perch even more than walleye! #yummo ~So, I WILL say I’m anxious to slowly add animal protein & fish back in and hit the Whole30. Ha, and then I will probably get sick of meat again.
  • The no gum has been tough. I love having a fresh mouth! But, this one turned out not to be a deal breaker lol.
  • I saved the hardest for last lol. COFFEE. #coffeemakestheworldgoround #asdocupcakes ~ Ummmm, safe to say this has been my hardest part. I keep hoping one day I will wake up and not wanna run for my Keurig. Like I said, I’m into week 2 and it hasn’t happened yet where some of the other cravings have gone. So, I’m gonna guess this one isn’t going anywhere. A friend told me she heard some people don’t like the taste of it after going through something like this. I guess we shall see! And, one of the most common questions I’ve been asked since I started this is “Why no coffee???” I’ll talk about that in a separate blog post but it mostly has to do with getting your body back to a balance of alkaline/acidic. I’m not sure my body is in out of balance and more acidic BUT giving up coffee for now is one of the ways to help find out AND reverse it.

Anyhoo, there ya have it! My most recent experience of delaying making a change because of how uncomfortable it would be for me. But, as the saying also goes, I decided the pain of staying the same would be worse than the pain of change.

So, if you’re out there feeling like I did a few months ago…..knowing you need to do something different but you just can’t seem to get started or you just don’t WANT to out of fear of failure and more, make a list of all the reasons you want something different for your life. Then, read those things over and over and over every day for a while. And, then, just DECIDE. It’s up to you. AND, THEN, PUSH THROUGH….because it will be hard before it gets easier 🙂 (If I can do it, YOU can do it! #forrealslol) If you want something different, you have to do something different 🙂

Oh, and just so you know, this is a post about nutrition and doing a detox plan BUT the idea of deciding you’re ready to make a change applies to so so many areas in your life! I’m reading a new book ~ a book that I’ve actually had for a long time now but hadn’t started ~ and as I was finishing reading my chapter tonight, this stood out to me ~ The Law of Diminishing Intent says, “The longer you wait to do something you should do now, the greater the odds that you will never actually do it.” John Maxwell in 15 Laws of Invaluable Growth

Let that sit for a moment. That hit me hard because a few short years ago I was so so close to “never actually doing it”….to never actually dreaming big…..to never actually taking action….to never actually failing forward. That would’ve been so sad if I had waited even a day longer 🙂

 

 

 

 

Monday Matters (v2)

02|13|2017

I love this saying!
It’s not about the weight you lose but the life you gain.

So, a friend snapped this pic last week on a trip to Vegas. (Yup, that’s me and Danny DeVito lol.) And, I have to be honest that when she sent it to me, my reply was “Oh my.” 

The trip was awesome! We had nice weather, we stayed at an awesome place, we were with good people, we had a lot of laughs, AND we enjoyed good food and drinks. But, there were many times on the trip when I was self-conscious about the weight I’ve gained (yo-yo’d) over the past 2 years. Like when we were ziplining over Freemont street (SO SO fun btw!! MUST do if you’re ever there!), when putting on a tankini I hadn’t worn in months to go lay by the pool, when trying to button up my skinny jeans (that I had already bought in a size bigger early last fall) on day 3, and when I saw this pic.

Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself and thought, is that me?!?

Well, that’s what I thought when I saw this. OH MY….is that really me?

I had done my best to suck it in and pose my arm just right.

And, yet….OH MY….is that really me?

I started health & fitness coaching in October of 2013. And, I rocked my first few years or so as a coach in terms of focusing on my health & fitness goals. I lost weight, got down to the lowest size I’d been in like 15 years, and was in the best shape of my life. I was learning and growing with my team. I had started this “healthy lifestyle” blog. It was a wonderful and exciting first few years!

This first pic was my first trip as a coach to Summit in Vegas in 2014 and I. Felt. Ah-mazing.

I felt confident. I felt hopeful. I felt energetic. I felt taller. I felt lean. I felt strong. My skin was clear and glowing. My clothes fit well and I remember shopping for smaller ones.

just before and during a Beachbody trip I won with my sister in March of 2015.

at Coach Summit in Nashville in 2015.

with Miss Autumn herself on a cruise I won in March of 2016! Daryn & B were with and it was an amazing trip!
But, I was definitely starting to become more self conscious about the weight I had been gaining and how I was feeling. AND, seriously, how tiny is she?!?! lol

Things definitely started to take a turn in 2015 and into 2016. I lost two people I was very close to. I was beating myself up for past mistakes. I just couldn’t keep any momentum I had going. And, I slowly started gaining the weight I had lost back.

As coaches, a few of the things we focus on the most are personal growth and dreaming BIG! And, with focusing on those things, you have to seriously dig deep and work harder on yourself than anyone else and harder on the inside than your outside in order to succeed. So, while I had success losing weight and getting in shape when I first started coaching, the other part of my journey would take me longer to figure out. And, when I started gaining weight again, I really had to take a step back and figure out why. Why was I letting myself go again?

Now, rest assured, I WAS trying to deal…..to dig deep….and I was doing so so many things I had NEVER done….things that had never even been on my radar to do….to help feel better and stronger. Becoming a coach gave me so much courage. Becoming a coach gave me the tools and resources to be able to do things that made me uncomfortable….in order to grow. But, change doesn’t happen overnight. Confronting your fears is hard and it will get harder before it gets easier! Letting go is a process. Breaking old habits is a process. And, if you’re like me, one of your worst habits is self-sabotage, so a part of you doesn’t even think you DESERVE success or to be happy.

But, sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself.

And, over the next year or so, I did just that. I lost myself…..but in the end, in a good way.

I would start and stop over and over again with my health & fitness goals. I was feeling stronger on the inside than I had in my whole life but the moment I would see glimpses of success I would revert and self-sabotage. I would take a step back when the going got tough. I would remember my comfortably uncomfortable life before I started coaching and blogging. And, part of me often just wanted to go back to that. Not because my old life had been easier…it was anything but easier…but because it was what I knew. This new life of taking chances and putting my thoughts and imperfections out there was scary. And, in all honesty, I was still so busy blaming others and not taking ownership of my life and letting others dictate my mood and how I felt about myself that I was spinning my wheels. I was trying to do so much that I wasn’t doing anything well or with the time, attention and effort things deserved. My relationships were struggling. My work and my coaching was struggling. I was starting to have drinks and go out too often just to try escape. I felt like I was failing as a mom. My marriage was failing. Many of the things that I fought before I became a coach were resurfacing.

Looking back, 2016 was a rock bottom for me.

But, you know what they say about rock bottoms….you have nowhere to go but up.

Ironic how one of the hardest times in my life became the best thing that could’ve happened. I got through it all by telling myself over and over again that it’s okay to be scared. Sometimes the best things in life are the things that scare us the most. Many…maybe even most of us are scared of getting hurt. We are scared of being vulnerable. We are scared of failure….for some of us maybe even more scared of others seeing us fail.

I started taking all the words I had read in my personal development books since I started coaching and actually started APPLYING what I had learned!
I started to take true ownership of my life. I stopped playing the victim.
I started letting go of my past and all the hurt, shame, guilt and blame. Not just TALKING and WRITING about doing it but actually DOING it.
I started researching more about nutrition and how going back to clean eating and eating more often (I had largely been doing flexible dieting with intermittent fasting) could help me with my anxiety and depression and overall physical health. (I learned that some women can have adverse hormonal effects from intermittent fasting. And, after learning the symptoms, I definitely believe I was).
I started seeing a new therapist.
I started to pray more intentionally.
AND, I started to work harder on my marriage than maybe I ever had.

My story is far from finished. I just had a few bad chapters missed in with the good. I have so much more to learn and do and give! And, while I AM going to continue to write about losing weight, what I really want to talk about is the life I continue to gain through the process. I don’t want to be embarrassed about being a health & fitness coach and a healthy lifestyle blogger who doesn’t have her SHIT together!! So, when a fellow coach and friend shared this on one of our team pages, it hit me hard and I knew it had to be a part of a blog post about my comeback story!

“Honestly, I’m tired of her, this woman, who quits everything and continues to stay in the cycle of failure. She hardly completes her assignments each day, and she gives up effortlessly. The banner over her life is exhaustion. And she’s this woman God and others can’t count on. This Quitzilla, me. But through Ruth’s example I’ve had a small taste of what happens when a woman decides she’s going to become someone who follows through with her commitment. She has the potential not only to change generational lines but to infuse her world with blessing. The scent of this woman has stirred a holy fire in me. She is able to look into the future with confidence because she is determined to become the vessel for what she has been created to do. She’s not tossing pennies into the wishing well of life. Her focus is contagious, and she has the ability to stick with things long enough to master them. She understands that the days, weeks, months, and years aren’t here forever. And the passions within her have the ability to become forgotten daydreams.

Does she sound impossible? Good.

Because on her own, she is.

With God what seems impossible is just the peak of a miracle.”
-5 Habits of a Woman who Never Quits

How. Perfect. Is. This. I don’t want to be the woman God and others can’t count on. I don’t want to be Quitzilla! I don’t want to be exhausted. I won’t spend the rest of my life wishing. I won’t let my dreams and my passions be forgotten. Who’s with me on all of this?!? Repeat after me! “I will be dependable and a woman of my word. I will be confident of my future and why I’m here! I will master what I set out to master. I will be a blessing to God and others!” And, just so y’all know….my focus will be contagious!!!!….because this week I’m heading into 111 days of focused healthy eating and exercise and will continue to heal through my writing and team building! And, I won’t go it alone! I will turn to God first ~ and my team, my coach, my family, my friends, my clients. My list of people who never quit on me is quite extensive….Yes, I’m blessed beyond measure.

If any of this spoke to you, please remember this ~

Be the person who never quits.
You are powerful beyond measure.
You’re still writing your story. A few bad chapters never means the story is over.
Forgive others. Forgive yourself.
Love others. Love yourself.
Take some chances already! What are you waiting for??

#MondayMatters #EVERYdayMATTERS #

 

 

 

 

3-Day Refresh Final Results

07|25|2014

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So, today was a really good day! I always like a good challenge, especially when I’m done…lol. 
 
I honestly really liked the Refresh. I felt pretty rough the first day. By the end of the day that day, my head hurt so bad that it was actually making me nauseous. I’m not gonna lie that I almost got to the point where I was telling myself it wasn’t worth it, but then I realized that if I felt the way I did, my body definitely needed a detox! And, each day I felt better and better so I knew it wasn’t anything in the Refresh itself that made me feel that way.

I want to post these pics about as bad as I want a root canal, but I think they really show the potential of this quick reset. (I didn’t wear the same thing for three days btw…just for the pics…maybe that went without saying…lol.) I’ve talked before about how bad I can bloat and my before pic pretty much looks like I have a food baby. But, the good news for me is that I lost 2-1/2″ in my abs in these three days and 8″ overall, plus 4.6 lbs. So, yeah, I’m excited about my results…no doubt…but I’m way more excited about how I feel! And, even if most of it is water weight, I feel light, I feel way more energetic, and I feel like I’m back on track with my nutrition thanks to it! 

So, now I just have to say that I LOVE the image at the top. I’ve been losing ground lately in my health & fitness journey. And, there are several things I’ve been focusing on to turn my setback into a comeback….and the Refresh was just one of them….but that’s just it….I will have setbacks. But, they won’t result in me giving up on my goals. Not anymore.

 

3-Day Refresh ~ Day 3

07|24|2014

Day 3 of the Refresh is almost in the books!
 
I’ve loved this quote in my collage since the first time I saw it. I was off track. No lie. But the thing I like best about the “new me” is that my setbacks lasted a helluva lot longer before. There is always time to turn things around….always.
 
So…..I will say that I’m anxious to be done but that I will definitely be pulling this little gem of program out of the hat every few months or before big events….like already thinking this will come in handy just before Cancun! 
 
But, yes, right now I’m anxious for almond milk in my Shakeo, and things like greek yogurt and eggs and a spaghetti squash boat with ground turkey and tomatoes and mushrooms and onions and just a dusting of 2% cheese….ok, yes, I’m dreaming of food a little tonight as I type. I may not have had food on the brain had my husband not had pizza in front of me tonight. And, I probably could’ve picked a better night to be perusing Pinterest for recipe ideas.  Either way, I think I can safely say that I made it thru and it went really well! 
 
Check back tomorrow evening for final results!

3-Day Refresh ~ Day 2

07|23|2014

 

 
I feel so much better today on the 3-Day Refresh! 
 
It still was by no means “easy” today….and I’m still awake so bad things could still happen…lol…but my headache was much better and I wasn’t wanting to stuff my face with twinkies all day.
 
The Vanilla Fresh shakes are really filling and I really like the taste ~ And, my bloating is way better today. 
 
I’m anxious for Thursday morning! I have lost a little over 3 so far, and I’ve been fluctuating between 5 & 7 lbs. more than my pre-Summit weight ~ so, I’m determined to get it off and start moving back in the right direction! I honestly don’t live and die by the scale anymore….but I DO weigh in once a week and am always mindful of that number…especially when it starts creeping up! And, I think my body is still adjusting to less working out.
 
On that note, I am SUPER glad I’m doing PiYO right now because I’ve still been able to work out just fine during this! Sweat in the morning!
 
Thanks for checking in on me!  Recap of Day 3 will be up tomorrow night and final review Thursday night!….and maybe even a YouTube video.