depression Archives -

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

03|16|2017

My journey to repair my relationship with my body and with food has been filled with many peaks and valleys.

I’ve tried countless “diets”, pills, potions, fads and quick fixes.

I’ve went through seasons of totally not caring about what I ate to obsessing about what I ate over and over again.

I’ve isolated myself from family and friends in my more obsessive of seasons.

I’ve watched my weight yo-yo time and time again.

I’ve spent countless hours researching and reading and reading and researching for the “best” approach to finding food freedom and a healthy body image.

I’ve went through seasons of obsessive and excessive exercise.

All in the pursuit of finding my happy and “healthy” place.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” Henry David Thoreau

Wow.

What an ah-ha moment reading that was for me!

My answer has really been right in front of me my whole life. I just never saw it for what it was!

I had been looking for something external to “fix it”….to “fix” me.

But, it wasn’t ME that was broken…it was the way I saw myself! (Ok, I was and am a little broken. We’re all a little broken. BUT, I wasn’t broken in the way I thought I was. My weight and my size didn’t make me broken.)

I finally realized it wasn’t about a diet, a pill, a potion, a fad or a quick fix that could FIX me.

It was never about the weight. It wasn’t about the size of my jeans. It wasn’t about doing it all on my own. And, more recently for me, maybe it wasn’t even about being gluten-, sugar-, caffeine-, meat-, alcohol- and chewing gum-FREE.

It was simply about being FREE.

My latest journey to freedom was doing a 21-day detox program and it would turn out to be one of the most life-changing things I’ve done in my journey.

And, you know what? It didn’t change things for me because I lost a few lbs. and inches.

It changed things for me because I DID IT. I conquered something I never would’ve thought I could do. Maybe giving up all those things for 21 days would be a piece of cake for you but for me it was anything BUT. And, it changed things because even though I had thought I had learned how to “ditch the diet” when I started coaching, I realized through this that I’ve been trying to lose weight for the better part of 25 YEARS. I was trying to lose weight back when I really shouldn’t have been trying to!

I’m finally getting to my results and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited about them.

But, what I’m really excited about is the next step. I’m excited about my transition now.

Why am I so excited?? Ha, I’m sure you’re thinking, she’s ALWAYS saying she’s excited for her next step!

And, the truth is, I always am!! But, this time is a little different.

Because, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m not going to be focusing on losing weight.

And, it’s kinda scary ‘cuz it goes against everything I’ve ever known.

AND, it.already.feels.wonderful!

I’m going to be doing something called reverse dieting while following macros. I’ll be sharing more about it in the coming weeks but the long and short of it is, my next season will be uncharted territory for me. I’m going to be spending the next several months repairing my metabolism and continuing to repair my body image. It’s a time to focus solely on getting stronger. If I were to keep trying to lose body fat at this point, eventually my calories would be so low that it would be very counter-productive for my body. So, for the next several months, I will be slowly increasing my calories and probably even gaining a little weight back.

And, the best part of it is for me means that I’m not going to be giving up anything. My brain just doesn’t do well with deprivation. I wouldn’t change what I did these past 3 weeks and my body feels amazing right now, BUT I will say I was very close to binge behavior and I didn’t like that feeling at all.

So, no more guilt what-so-ever for having a diet coke here and there. No more guilt for having some candy. No more guilt for eating a cupcake. #everythinginmoderation. I’m starting to lean more towards stress being the reason my stomach was all out of whack early last year and why I had so many weird things going on this past year. And, while I always thought it was part of it, I don’t think I realized just how much until I started to come through some of the stress, depression and anxiety and how I had already been starting to feel so much better.

Ha, okay this is turning into a marathon blog post! See what happens when I don’t finish a post every day?!? Sorry guys!

And, now…here are the detox results!

The almost 18 inches overall #hadmelike YAY! I know some of this is water weight but it feels amazing! And, I even lost from my legs, arms and chest ~ not just my abs area. And, my skin is GREAT!!! I’m sleeping GREAT!!! So glad I did this!

And, NOW, I’m so glad to be getting back to my workouts and giving macros another shot but in a different way. I found a lot of clarity these past few months and I have more knowledge and more support than I’ve had when I’ve tried it in the past. I thought I’d share the cover photo in one of my support groups ~ Eat. In. Peace. #yesthatsthegoal And, yet, again, “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” Even when it comes to an unhealthy relationship with yourself and with food. #foodfreedom #eatinpeace

Monday Matters (v2)

02|13|2017

I love this saying!
It’s not about the weight you lose but the life you gain.

So, a friend snapped this pic last week on a trip to Vegas. (Yup, that’s me and Danny DeVito lol.) And, I have to be honest that when she sent it to me, my reply was “Oh my.”

The trip was awesome! We had nice weather, we stayed at an awesome place, we were with good people, we had a lot of laughs, AND we enjoyed good food and drinks. But, there were many times on the trip when I was self-conscious about the weight I’ve gained (yo-yo’d) over the past 2 years. Like when we were ziplining over Freemont street (SO SO fun btw!! MUST do if you’re ever there!), when putting on a tankini I hadn’t worn in months to go lay by the pool, when trying to button up my skinny jeans (that I had already bought in a size bigger early last fall) on day 3, and when I saw this pic.

Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself and thought, is that me?!?

Well, that’s what I thought when I saw this. OH MY….is that really me?

I had done my best to suck it in and pose my arm just right.

And, yet….OH MY….is that really me?

I started health & fitness coaching in October of 2013. And, I rocked my first few years or so as a coach in terms of focusing on my health & fitness goals. I lost weight, got down to the lowest size I’d been in like 15 years, and was in the best shape of my life. I was learning and growing with my team. I had started this “healthy lifestyle” blog. It was a wonderful and exciting first few years!

This first pic was my first trip as a coach to Summit in Vegas in 2014 and I. Felt. Ah-mazing.

I felt confident. I felt hopeful. I felt energetic. I felt taller. I felt lean. I felt strong. My skin was clear and glowing. My clothes fit well and I remember shopping for smaller ones.

just before and during a Beachbody trip I won with my sister in March of 2015.

at Coach Summit in Nashville in 2015.

with Miss Autumn herself on a cruise I won in March of 2016! Daryn & B were with and it was an amazing trip!
But, I was definitely starting to become more self conscious about the weight I had been gaining and how I was feeling. AND, seriously, how tiny is she?!?! lol

Things definitely started to take a turn in 2015 and into 2016. I lost two people I was very close to. I was beating myself up for past mistakes. I just couldn’t keep any momentum I had going. And, I slowly started gaining the weight I had lost back.

As coaches, a few of the things we focus on the most are personal growth and dreaming BIG! And, with focusing on those things, you have to seriously dig deep and work harder on yourself than anyone else and harder on the inside than your outside in order to succeed. So, while I had success losing weight and getting in shape when I first started coaching, the other part of my journey would take me longer to figure out. And, when I started gaining weight again, I really had to take a step back and figure out why. Why was I letting myself go again?

Now, rest assured, I WAS trying to deal…..to dig deep….and I was doing so so many things I had NEVER done….things that had never even been on my radar to do….to help feel better and stronger. Becoming a coach gave me so much courage. Becoming a coach gave me the tools and resources to be able to do things that made me uncomfortable….in order to grow. But, change doesn’t happen overnight. Confronting your fears is hard and it will get harder before it gets easier! Letting go is a process. Breaking old habits is a process. And, if you’re like me, one of your worst habits is self-sabotage, so a part of you doesn’t even think you DESERVE success or to be happy.

But, sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself.

And, over the next year or so, I did just that. I lost myself…..but in the end, in a good way.

I would start and stop over and over again with my health & fitness goals. I was feeling stronger on the inside than I had in my whole life but the moment I would see glimpses of success I would revert and self-sabotage. I would take a step back when the going got tough. I would remember my comfortably uncomfortable life before I started coaching and blogging. And, part of me often just wanted to go back to that. Not because my old life had been easier…it was anything but easier…but because it was what I knew. This new life of taking chances and putting my thoughts and imperfections out there was scary. And, in all honesty, I was still so busy blaming others and not taking ownership of my life and letting others dictate my mood and how I felt about myself that I was spinning my wheels. I was trying to do so much that I wasn’t doing anything well or with the time, attention and effort things deserved. My relationships were struggling. My work and my coaching was struggling. I was starting to have drinks and go out too often just to try escape. I felt like I was failing as a mom. My marriage was failing. Many of the things that I fought before I became a coach were resurfacing.

Looking back, 2016 was a rock bottom for me.

But, you know what they say about rock bottoms….you have nowhere to go but up.

Ironic how one of the hardest times in my life became the best thing that could’ve happened. I got through it all by telling myself over and over again that it’s okay to be scared. Sometimes the best things in life are the things that scare us the most. Many…maybe even most of us are scared of getting hurt. We are scared of being vulnerable. We are scared of failure….for some of us maybe even more scared of others seeing us fail.

I started taking all the words I had read in my personal development books since I started coaching and actually started APPLYING what I had learned!
I started to take true ownership of my life. I stopped playing the victim.
I started letting go of my past and all the hurt, shame, guilt and blame. Not just TALKING and WRITING about doing it but actually DOING it.
I started researching more about nutrition and how going back to clean eating and eating more often (I had largely been doing flexible dieting with intermittent fasting) could help me with my anxiety and depression and overall physical health. (I learned that some women can have adverse hormonal effects from intermittent fasting. And, after learning the symptoms, I definitely believe I was).
I started seeing a new therapist.
I started to pray more intentionally.
AND, I started to work harder on my marriage than maybe I ever had.

My story is far from finished. I just had a few bad chapters missed in with the good. I have so much more to learn and do and give! And, while I AM going to continue to write about losing weight, what I really want to talk about is the life I continue to gain through the process. I don’t want to be embarrassed about being a health & fitness coach and a healthy lifestyle blogger who doesn’t have her SHIT together!! So, when a fellow coach and friend shared this on one of our team pages, it hit me hard and I knew it had to be a part of a blog post about my comeback story!

“Honestly, I’m tired of her, this woman, who quits everything and continues to stay in the cycle of failure. She hardly completes her assignments each day, and she gives up effortlessly. The banner over her life is exhaustion. And she’s this woman God and others can’t count on. This Quitzilla, me. But through Ruth’s example I’ve had a small taste of what happens when a woman decides she’s going to become someone who follows through with her commitment. She has the potential not only to change generational lines but to infuse her world with blessing. The scent of this woman has stirred a holy fire in me. She is able to look into the future with confidence because she is determined to become the vessel for what she has been created to do. She’s not tossing pennies into the wishing well of life. Her focus is contagious, and she has the ability to stick with things long enough to master them. She understands that the days, weeks, months, and years aren’t here forever. And the passions within her have the ability to become forgotten daydreams.

Does she sound impossible? Good.

Because on her own, she is.

With God what seems impossible is just the peak of a miracle.”
-5 Habits of a Woman who Never Quits

How. Perfect. Is. This. I don’t want to be the woman God and others can’t count on. I don’t want to be Quitzilla! I don’t want to be exhausted. I won’t spend the rest of my life wishing. I won’t let my dreams and my passions be forgotten. Who’s with me on all of this?!? Repeat after me! “I will be dependable and a woman of my word. I will be confident of my future and why I’m here! I will master what I set out to master. I will be a blessing to God and others!” And, just so y’all know….my focus will be contagious!!!!….because this week I’m heading into 111 days of focused healthy eating and exercise and will continue to heal through my writing and team building! And, I won’t go it alone! I will turn to God first ~ and my team, my coach, my family, my friends, my clients. My list of people who never quit on me is quite extensive….Yes, I’m blessed beyond measure.

If any of this spoke to you, please remember this ~

Be the person who never quits.
You are powerful beyond measure.
You’re still writing your story. A few bad chapters never means the story is over.
Forgive others. Forgive yourself.
Love others. Love yourself.
Take some chances already! What are you waiting for??

#MondayMatters #EVERYdayMATTERS #

Bet on a New You….

12|27|2016

Hey all! It’s Friday night and I’ve been busy following up with people interested in all the new and exciting things happening in January for health & fitness! And, decided to take a quick break and put up a blog post for my first FIT FRIDAY back since being hacked. (On a side note, I honestly can’t figure out why a hacker would target my site of all sites out there. And, I’m SUPER annoyed that because of them, I had to spend almost $500 getting this clean and back up and running! I wish I could send them the bill…and I wish they would start using their God-given talents for something more productive and ethical. Ok, I had to put that out there if they’re reading this lol. I’m certain I really made them think twice about ever doing it again). ANYHOO, I’ve been a coach for just over 3 years now and I honestly don’t think I’ve EVER been quite this excited about the possibilities and how revolutionary this new release is for people! Not only can people get PAID (YES, a share of over a million dollars!) to focus on their health & fitness in January BUT they can use the most comprehensive package we’ve EVER had!! #winning

So, what’s the down low on this? Wellllllll, first off ~ I’m SUPER stoked to be hosting my next new group with these 3 amazing women in my downline! They are super fun and super inspiring and this is the first time all 4 of us will be hosting a group! And, together we are gonna help people make January a KICK ASS month in the name of health & fitness!

Secondly, Beachbody just launched something called the Beachbody On Demand All Access pass. It’s a mouthful. What does it really mean? The long and short of it is that anyone who signs up for this gets and ENTIRE YEAR of streaming videos for one low investment!! I like to call it the Netflix of Fitness….and while #BOD was good before, this All Access Pass is even better. You get access to every.single.fitness.program.in.the.entire.Beachbody.library. Every single one. AND, you also get access to every NEW program that will launch in 2017. I couldn’t believe this when they announced it ~ it was almost too good to be true. I can honestly say that one of the hardest things as a coach is when someone commits to a program on DVD and then they get it and they don’t love it. And, then when you offer to help them return it they say that they will just keep it and eventually do it. It’s. So. Hard. I feel so bad when someone doesn’t fall in love with their all of their investment. So, this option is awesome because it takes even more of the risk out. If you try a program and don’t love it, guess what, you have MANY others to choose from and nothing to ever return! AND, it still comes with a money-back guarantee of course! #noquestionsasked

Just click on the images below to get started NOW! And, the first 5 people that join with me as their coach are gonna get an awesome free gift from me!

And, I just wanted to talk about betting on a new you. Y’all can BET (hehe) that I’m betting on a new me in 2017. What a year it’s been! And, it seems to be a common theme of a lot of people around me on the #strugglebus this past year. I just had a blog post up this week about how I’ve been lost….been playing the victim….dealing with depression and anxiety….a laundry list of setbacks. But, through it all, I still grew a lot stronger. I still learned a lot about myself. AND, I still progressed in many areas that I am proud of. So when I saw this quote this week AND this blog post from another blogger (just click on the girl hanging on a tree limb lol), I knew I had to share them because I absolutely LOVED them both!!

Ummm, yes, freaking love this!!

And, this….. http://tcat.tc/2ga8Lqo

I think my favorite part was……

“If you think your life sucks, it probably does. If you think the world is out to get you, it probably is. If you think you deserve more, you probably do. The only thing in the world holding you back from achieving greatness is in fact you.”

So, I’m betting on a new me because I think I deserve more!! I embrace the old me and have learned to love the old me, too. But the new me is so much stronger and ready to fully take back my life. I’ve honestly been watching the scale creep back up for a year now. Little by little I’ve ended up only 10 lbs. from my highest non-pregnancy weight like in the pic on the left. But, as I’ve talked about before, the scale doesn’t have the same power over me as it did before. Because what the scale isn’t showing me right now is how much my body and my mindset have changed. I’m in a size 16 and pushing an 18 on the left. Only 10 less lbs on the right and I’m in a 12. Granted, my clothes right now are tighter than I want them to be and my ultimate goal is a size 6. So, yes, I have work to do. But, it won’t be just based on the scale and that number. It will be based on measurements and pics and honestly as always more importantly on how I continue to feel better, stronger and healthier on the inside. True change starts on the inside. And, while it’s taken me a while to fully get there, I WILL get there! And, then I truly will be able to look back on all this and say it was all for a reason. God never gives us more than we can handle.

So, there ya have it! MANY exciting things happening in our not-so-little world of health & fitness and I for one and beyond excited. I’m excited for possibilities! I’m excited to keep working with my tribe! They help me just as much if not more than I can ever help them. And, I’m excited about the possibilities of working with new people and seeing new faces of hope and faith in our groups and women supporting and lifting other women up to some CRAZY goals in the NEW YEAR!

So, who’s with me? Who struggle this past year? Who’ss trying to find themselves? Who’s looking for a new challenge? Who’s ready to say enough is enough and take back their life? I. AM. And, I wanna help you if any of these are you.

If you’re not ready to jump and want more info, just fill out this form and help me help you find out if this is a good fit for you!

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I’ve learned a lot this year…

12|27|2016

When I came across this quote on Pinterest, I thought it was the perfect theme for my first blog post back since being hacked! It’s been about a month since I’ve been able to post and publish and I’ve missed my little outlet!

First, here’s the quote I found and a pic taken by Amanda Magnuson during a Mother’s Day special. 🙂

And, now for my part…..

I’ve learned that it’s okay to fall down. What’s not okay is to stay down. And, it’s even OKAY to fall down over and over and over as long as you’re always willing to try and get up again. We learn more about ourselves (AND others) in our losses than we ever will in our wins.

I’ve learned that having a victim mentality only leaves you more….of a victim. It will leave you stuck. Take ownership of your own life. You don’t have to be a victim of your circumstances. Have you ever heard the saying, “Things don’t happen TO you they happen FOR you?” ~ Michael Hyatt #onpoint ~ Now, of course some of those things will be devastatingly sad and often tragic. But, it’s so true that how we get through life is how we face those things….how we come through the storm. Horrible things have and will continue to happen to all of us but we have a God to thank for letting us LOVE. If we didn’t have the gift and the ability to love, we would never know pain. And, if we never knew pain, we would never need belief and Faith. And, what does Julia Roberts say in Steel Magnolias….still one of my favorite lines in a movie like EVER ~ “I would rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.”

I’ve learned that we should be more like kids and be persistent in asking for the things we want in life. When was the last time your kid only asked for something he or she wanted once?!?

I’ve learned that there are some cartoons I can tolerate more than others. Barbie and the Dreamhouse, YES. Peppa Pig, NO.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to ask for help, even if it makes you look silly. If you’re not willing to look silly from time to time, nothing great will EVER happen for you.

I’ve learned that being vulnerable is healing, even if it makes you look silly like I mentioned above…from time to time. I have no doubt I’ve make myself look silly since I started this blog and sharing my story. I’ve talked about binge and closet eating….about hiding food….about being a jealous person….about comparing myself to others…about being lost in my Faith….about bad habits….about starting different workout programs and not finishing….I could go on but I digress… 😉 But, I can also say that having someone reach out to me saying they’ve been in the same place before and can relate to something in my story and that it just helps to know they are not alone made everything worth me looking a little silly. I would rather look silly for a while and help myself and others heal in the process than to only show y’all my highlight reel.

I’ve learned that sometimes our joy is just broken and we don’t always know why or when it happened. And, that there aren’t always answers for it. AND, sometimes you can spend way too many precious moments that you’ll never get back looking for answers that don’t exist. Sometimes you just have to let it be. Sometimes you just have to let go so you can find your joy again. #letgoandletGod

I’ve learned that trying to please everyone but yourself will only leave you empty. Learning how and when to say no and when to say yes is the best service you can do for yourself. People will learn to respect you.

I’ve learned you’re never too old to change and to dream big. I’ve known this one for a few years now but this past year was the epitome of embracing this. As a coach, I’ve had the pleasure of connecting with people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s! Your age doesn’t define you! Just like the damn scale, it’s just a number. You’re only as old as you feel. I let it hold me back but I realized this year that although I wished I would’ve found coaching earlier in life and I wished I would’ve started my blog and written a book already, I probably was not ready to accept the opportunities. I had some learning and growing and coming into my own to do. And, I’ve been very busy doing that these past 3 years. We can play the whole woulda-shoulda-coulda-wish game OR we can just live for the day and keep pushing to live our lives by our own design….no matter if we’re in our 20s or our 80s!

I’ve learned that there is still really good, wholesome TV out there. #ThisIsUs #bestshowthisyear

I’ve learned that doing the best I can as a mom is GOOD enough! I’ll be straight up that there are many days I wake up and ask myself “How bad am I gonna screw her up today?” And, while it’s taken me over 6 years, I’m finally getting to the point where I’m okay with just doing the best I can. Some days I work too much at home. Some days I give in to her demands too much and too often. Some days I am short with her for no fault of her own. Some days I forget to sign her school binder until she’s getting ready to get out of the car at school. Some days I don’t make her go to church. And, some days (okay ALL the days), I buy the cupcakes (and the cookies). But, I just started to embrace the fact I’m a #hotmessmom. I stay the bath tub and read with a glass of wine too long sometimes. I hate baking so I buy the cupcakes. I let her eat popcorn in bed. And, she STILL drinks chocolate milk from a sippy at night and falls asleep to Netflix. And, here’s the deal….I probably just made myself look rather silly to a lot of you moms out there and that’s freaking OKAY. AND, quite possibly, I just made a LOT of you moms out there feel REALLY good about your parenting skills. #heyigotskillstoo but #youdoyou ~ ‘cuz you know what, if you’re the complete opposite of me on all those things, I would EMBRACE and ADMIRE you….because….again….#youdoyou #maybeyoucanshowmehow ~ These past few years are the first years in my life where I started to just be okay with being…..ME. I’m tired of apologizing to and for myself for just being…..ME….the hot mess that I am. And, I’m pretty sure despite all my craziness, B still knows I love her and that I would give anything to protect her.

I’ve learned that having depression and anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. I was dealing with it most of this year and unlike the two other times in my life when it was really bad, this time I had the courage to talk about….to ask for help. And, I wouldn’t be where I am today had I not been honest….with myself and others about it. One of my mentors has said you should wait until you’re through a storm to talk about it openly….and mostly because if you haven’t healed, it can be counter-productive for you and you’re also not at a stage to help anyone else maybe dealing with the same. It can also honestly just look like you’re complaining or playing the victim. But, since I’m coming through it, I feel like I want to share some of it in the hopes it can maybe help someone else. I made a lot of mistakes working my way through this time and if talking about it could help someone else, I’m all for it. And some of the #hotmessness above is in part a reflection of what was going on with me. It’s hard enough to think about what it does to you but to think of what it can do to those around you is heartbreaking. Now, don’t get me wrong ~ I’m a hot mess regardless. I own that shit. But, there are things that can make it worse if you’re me. I’m working on a separate blog post but I want to stress that if you’re fighting that fight and you haven’t told anyone, you don’t have to suffer in silence. You can overcome so much sooner and in more healthy of ways if you talk to a professional or ask someone for help. There’s no shame in it what-so-ever and I truly believe it should be talked about. It seems to be a taboo subject for many. I’m here to talk about it openly.

I’ve learned that my love of baseball caps and beanies knows no boundaries. And, I love the mystery of “Am I on day 1 of clean hair or day 4 of not-so-clean-hair? #givemeallyourdryshampoo

I’ve learned that doing one thing really well when it feels like you suck at everything else is OKAY. I was really good at working out this year as long as I wasn’t limited by a few minor injuries and being sick. I focused hard on that one good thing I tell ya! And, I think I owe a lot of my sanity to my fitness!!!

I’ve learned there is TOTALLY a difference between really good wine and box wine. #iknowright?!?!

I’ve learned I’m still a total kid when it comes to Christmas. While I don’t care about a hundred gifts anymore, opening a box full of things that were all TOTALLY me from my sister, a new pair of Nikes from Daryn, and a Fearless Dogearred necklace from my mom made me smile. It made me smile almost as much as seeing all the excitement and smiles that B had every morning with the dang Elf on the Shelf and with Santa and the Tooth Fairy BOTH on Christmas Eve. YES, girlfriend was visited by Santa AND the Tooth Fairy on the same night. #whatarethechances

So, there you have it. I will have more of what I learned this past year and other things about how excited I am for a new year coming soon. But, wanted to say HEY….so HEYyyyyyyyY! I’m back and I’m SUPER excited to just be….back.

#wcw Lysa Terkeurst

10|6|2016

Hey hey! It’s day 2 of 365 in my little blogging adventure.

If you missed it yesterday, I am challenging myself to “make something every day” and write a blog post every day for an entire year. I kinda rambled my way thru a post yesterday because I was inspired to share my little challenge that I was inspired to do earlier that morning and wanted to put it out there right away!…in part, because I didn’t wanna chicken out and in part because I was so excited. So, I didn’t waste any time and I blogged and people watched in the hotel I was staying at in New Orleans…so yes, it wasn’t the best-written but you can expect that to happen as I do this.

And, now I type my 2nd of 365 (at least) in the airport in Denver waiting for my last flight home.

I can already tell I won’t be promised to be able to PUBLISH every day due to wifi restrictions BUT I WILL write a post every day!

Truth be told, I’ve tried to do this BLOG A DAY thing before but I guess I haven’t been serious or inspired enough. I’m feeling ENOUGH right now. I’m CERTAIN I won’t feel ENOUGH every day as I set out on this journey but the fun thing about commitment and being accountable is it pushes you even when you don’t FEEL LIKE IT. What do they say about that??……

And, it’s SO true! You won’t ALWAYS feel like working out. Heck, many NEVER feel like working out but they do it anyway! You won’t ALWAYS feel like eating right but you will ALWAYS be thankful for the results of how you look and feel if you do. You won’t ALWAYS feel like going to work but if you’re present and grateful, you will prosper where you’re planted.

So, here’s to pushing through even when I may not FEEL like writing.

Anyhoo, on with today’s post!

My Woman Crush Wednesday is going out to Lysa Terkeurst.

If you aren’t familiar with who she is, you can find out more about her here. I won’t spend a lot of time telling you who she is ~ I more wanted to share how her words have influenced and inspired me. She’s not only become one of my favorite all-time authors, she’s become such a source of inspiration with Proverbs31 Ministries as well.

I love, admire and am inspired by her Faith, her vulnerability, her honesty.

She talks about her Faith, her struggles of being a wife and a mom, about her own struggles with food, about relationships and how hard they can be, and even about a word most all woman hate….CELLULITE.

I’m sure I’m inspired by her because I’m striving to be the kind of writer and storyteller she is. We all have a story. And, my truth and my story is only as helpful to share for as truthful and vulnerable it is. Sharing our stories doesn’t set us free and help others unless they are real and open and honest.

I’ve read several of her books now and wanted to share because they’ve helped me so much.

If you struggle with food and body image, I have to highly recommend her Made to Crave and Made to Crave Devotional. They are so so good and I know you will relate and love her for her honesty like I do.

If you struggle with saying yes to EVERYONE and EVERYTHING, you NEED The Best Yes in your life! It’s okay to say no sometimes. And, you will honor God, yourself and your family more by doing so. It will help you find the right things in your life to say yes to and most importantly find peace with saying no.

If you struggle with feeling lost, rejected and lonely even though you’re not alone, Uninvited is for you. I’m currently reading this book and I’m growing so much with each and every page I read. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I have struggled with so many things in my life. Feelings of insecurity, body image issues, issues with food, depression, anxiety, and feelings of guilt, fear and doubt. And, while I’ve overcome the paralyzing heaviness of those things, I’ve found it’s so so easy to fall back into these feelings and tendencies.

You see, I’m a dreamer. I always have been. I’ve just always lacked the courage to take action on my dreams. When I found coaching, I started taking action. I started digging deep. I dove into personal development and growth. I started asking myself the tough questions. I started doing things I was afraid of. I started taking more chances. I started actually chasing those dreams.

But, something happened after I started taking action. I started to have doubters around me. And, it would often seem like the more action I took and the more I chased, the more resistance I met. And, since I’m human, when that resistance came, the self- doubts start coming back….feeling less than came back….feeling sad and anxious came back. I started feeling uninvited to my own dreams. And, I kinda felt like ok maybe God is trying to tell me something. Maybe this is all too much. Maybe this isn’t for me. Maybe it’s not the right path…even if it FEELS like the right path.

This book is helping me see things for what they really are. While of course I have to be true to my faith and my family first, we HAVE to keep chasing our dreams. And, often the harder we push and the bigger the dreams, the more resistance we are going to meet. The bigger the dream, the more courage and strength it will require to achieve it. But, we can’t give up. We can’t give up on ourselves. We have to push through the rejections….push through the fears….push through the feelings of being less than perfect….because we’re not NOT less than….but we’re also not perfect. We will fall. But we will get back up. This book can help you with so much.

Her words are amazing and so relatable. Even if you’re just struggling in your relationships right now, this book can help. Here are just a few things I jotted down in my journal today ~ “Live from the abundant place that you are loved, and you won’t find yourself begging others for scraps of love.” And, “The mind feasts on what it focuses on. What consumes my thinking will be the making or the breaking of my identity.” Think about those two statements for a while. Ask yourself what they mean to you. I know what they mean to me.

So, I hope you learn more about Lysa. Check out her site. Check out Proverbs31 on FB. Get some of her books and start overcoming! And, if you do, I would LOVE to hear about it!!

Live loved,
Dina

(oh, yes, btw, I’m totally stealing this from Uninvited. Lysa has a an author friend who at a book signing,
signed her books, Live Loved and then her name. I absolutely LOVE it.)

Bringing Unsexy Back

07|20|2016

Ok, so this is gonna start out kinda random…..

but I feel sorry for Tuesdays.

Monday gets a bad rap but is also #motivationmonday so there’s that. Wednesday is hump day and wine day. Thursday is one day closer to Friday. Friday is….well FriYAY. Saturday….well, seriously probably the best day of the week for most, so enuf said. Sunday is…well, for me anyway…..a relatively and usually restful and peaceful day and a day to be inspired, spend more time with God and be hopeful and get ready to kick butt in a new week ahead.

BUT, TUESDAY?!? What does Tuesday have on the other days? Hmmmmm, I can’t really think of much that stand outs that people talk about. Well, maybe #transformationtuesday but apparently that’s not as powerful a thing for most people lol. (My hubby for one…he would have no idea what transformation Tuesday even means.)

So, I decided I wanted to spice up our Tuesday with a new series, #unsexytuesday. (Ha, it’s got quite the ring to it, right?!?! Yeah, not so much….so if anyone comes up with a better hashtag I can use, drop me a comment!!! lol) Why?!? ‘Cuz EVERY day matters! Every day you choose to do the unsexy matters….stay with me here 😉

I have the #realtalk series ~ and I have more “series” in the works…and really the unsexy series will be QUITE similar to REAL TALK….’cuz….well….the title speaks for itself.

What’s the unsexy? According to Google, it partially means “not exciting.” So, the unsexy in the context of this new series I wanna write about is about doing the things you don’t really wanna to do in order to achieve all your goals and finding a way to let go of the things that don’t serve you any longer, if they ever did.

For example, the sexy for me would be eating popcorn with real butter followed by a few cupcakes, while watching Nashville or the Bachelor on Hulu. Sexy for me would be reading Gone Girl. UNSEXY for me is eating turkey sweet potato burgers and a strawberry broccoli salad leftover from last night, while listening to a podcast on becoming a better leader. UNSEXY for me would be reading 15 Laws of Invaluable Growth by John Maxwell. Now, obviously the UNSEXY things are not terrible at all. And, honestly, the more I do the unsexy, the more comfort and peace I find!

So, yes, It’s about doing the mundane, seemingly unimportant things day-in-&-day-out that lead to big things. Things like losing 50 lbs. You don’t do it overnight. You make mundane, unsexy choices like eating turkey burgers and broccoli every day for days and days and days in order to do it (okay not EVERY day but you get my point). Things like saving $5000 dollars. You don’t do it overnight ~ unless you’re really wealthy OR win the lottery or something. You make mundane, unsexy choices every day to not spend beyond your means for days and days and days in order to do it. Things like going back to school for a degree. You don’t do it overnight. You make mundane, unsexy choices to study and research and learn for days and days and days in order to do it. Things like working for that promotion at work. You don’t get it overnight. You get it by doing a series of mundance, unsexy things for other people for days and days and days in order to get it. Bottom line: The unsexy things are the things that make you uncomfortable at first but that result in big rewards and start to become second-nature.

I first talked about my unsexy over a year ago. I’m gonna go off for a little bit here but I’ll bring you back 🙂 You can read about it HERE. And, I’ve thought a LOT about it since. One of the funnest (I always wonder if I should use a word like funnest…it’s not really a word and I’m supposed to be a writer….but that’s my writing style…using things I like to make into words “‘cuz” they fit my personality “lol”) things about blogging is to look back to something I wrote a year ago. To remember how I felt at the time. To look at how much B has grown. To remind myself of how far I’ve come.

The post was over a year ago (seriously, just go read it and then come back). It was the beginning of a really hard year for me. It was a year that I seriously wish I could just have a time machine and travel back and do just about EVERYTHING differently.

But, while life is about second chances, life is also about letting go and forgiveness and learning to move on from mistakes and guilt and weakness and loss. It’s taken me months to really believe this but there are things that happen in our lives and choices we make that will forever change us and those around us. But, the silver lining is, often the hardest things we go through, whether we choose them or not, are what mold us into stronger versions of ourselves.

My unsexy truth is that I often ~~forgot about~~ chose not to DO the unsexy things this past year to honor my goals and my dreams and the people who are most important to me….not ironically, the very things I talked about in that post. And, believe me it makes me cry. My counselor has told me on more than one occasion that I’m pretty hard on myself. I’m hard on myself to a fault and it often paralyzes me, so I have to work really hard at overcoming. If you can guess where this is going, I was pretty hard on myself last year. And, when I do that, I retreat. I withdraw from everyone, especially those closest to me. I make poor decisions. I lose some of my Faith. I stop doing some of the things I really enjoy. There was a lot of everything. Pain. Regret. Loss. Sadness. Depression. Self-doubt. Guilt. Food starting to become a coping mechanism again. Spending starting to become a coping mechanism again. I got lost in periods of instant gratification….in failed attempts to feel better. And, then the guilt would just snowball. And, after having come so far the year before, it was so confusing to me what was happening. How was it seemingly so easy to start self-sabotaging myself again??…and in some instances to extremes. To say I’m not proud of this time in my life is a drastic understatement. And, yet, while I somewhat recognized it, I didn’t know how to fully change it. Now, don’t get me wrong…there were bright moments and a lot of wonderful memories and periods of time when I rocked my goals and was present and I am so blessed for the family and friends I have who try their best to understand and be there for me even when I’m not there for them…..there is always a silver lining to the struggle and I’m trying my best to right the wrongs. But, I was perpetually taking 2 steps forward and 3 back. Until, finally, I knew I had to make a decision to keep going down the path I was OR I could get back track. Because you know what? I was SERIOUSLY uncomfortable most of the time. I was happy and inspired when I was writing and I look back at blog posts and I KNOW I was confident behind them because reading them even now I know my words were heart-felt and true! But, my passion and inspiration would quickly fade and I would lose sight of it all.

So, while doing the unsexy is uncomfortable, my self-sabotage was a heck of a lot MORE uncomfortable.

This quote maybe only relates to weight BUT you can turn it into anything in life ~ you choose your hard every dang day.

And, so, I decided to start choosing unsexy again instead of self-sabotage for my comfort level and I took action to move on and move forward.

I know I will fall back sometimes…..that’s just a little thing we call life.

But, if I fall down 7 times, I will get up 8.

I’m choosing my hard. And, I’m choosing it every. dang. day. ‘cuz that’s what it takes to stay in the game.

What’s my new unsexy focus you ask?!? My first 5 things….

1. I started meal planning again! I had told myself I didn’t enjoy it AND I didn’t like to cook….but that wasn’t true! And, these past few weeks of being back in that game, I remember that I DO like it! It’s like a game to meal plan ~ I actually like to have my week figured out ~ and while I don’t like to take a TON of time in the kitchen, I do enjoy cooking! I had even TOTALLY let B’s nutrition slide. I wanna let her be a kid and not be too limiting to her for fear of her turning that into what I did and start HIDING food. We have so many fears for our kids….my behaviors with food being carried down to her is one of my biggest. It may seem trivial to you but for something that has consumed so much of my life, I know I want no part of that for her life.

2. I started a fitness and nutrition journal! I had been journaling BUT I hadn’t really been talking to myself about my health & fitness goals, how I was feeling every day, how I was actually going to accomplish everything I set out to! I’ve barely started this and I’m wondering to myself WHY oh WHY wasn’t I doing this since day 1 as a coach?!? I HIGHLY recommend getting a fitness journal or if nothing else, use an online tracker to track your workouts and your nutrition! Something like MyFitnessPal (my fave!)

3. I told my coach about my goals and I committed to 3….ha, yes, 3….different challenge groups ~ 2 that I’m hosting and 1 I’m just sitting back and participating in like a new challenger! I need lots of accountability and inspiration to keep this momentum going and these are my go-to places for both. (If you’ve read the 10X Rule, I’m all about 10 x’ing what I do.)

4. I downloaded a new 60-day devotional on my Kindle. My last devotional was A Confident Heart ~ so so good! Highly recommend! And, my new one is a Lysa Terkeurst Made to Crave one. I LOVE her and her books and everything Proverbs31!

5. And, I took new before pics. I just took some a few weeks ago and shared but to be straight up, I had a tank top on to try to hide. I’m not interested in hiding or retreating anymore.

And, today was day 24 of PiYo, so I’m almost halfway thru this round of PiYo! It’s going really well! I will say I miss running and my weights and REALLY miss Hammer & Chisel right now but I committed to this program, so I’m gonna see it through. And, I was going to try fit some interval running in a few times a week but my foot just isn’t ready. (btw is anyone singing a little JT in their head right now?!?)

I challenge you to really think about the unsexy things you can do to start knocking out your goals 1 by 1 ~ IF you’re not already of course! You DO have the POWER. You can take your POWER back. Today is all that matters.

And, your bonus for the day 🙂 I love Proverbs31 & the First5 app! Check it out if you’re looking for daily inspiration 🙂
AND, remember, the only time you should look back is to see how far you’ve come and have the confidence to keep moving forward.

Real talk with Dina ~ The ONE thing.

06|24|2016

How ya’ll doing out there?!?

I want to share a vulnerable and #realtalk series post to talk about a question I had to face this week. And, I want to challenge you to dig deep like I had to and ask yourself the same questions.

It’s just after 11 p.m. on a Thursday night and I just got off a brainstorming call with the leaders of Team Hope to talk about our schedule for the month of July but as often happens with team calls, it ended talking about how amazing the team is and how being a part of it has changed our lives.

Because of coaching, because of my coach believing in me, and because of the amazing people in my life who challenge me to be and do more, I have found so many things to enrich my world….and, ultimately, learn more about myself and find ways to overcome my struggles.

My latest excitement is that I have a new mentor that is ROCKIN’ MY WORLD. His name is Josh Coats of Legacy Leadership and he’s a Life Coach on the John C. Maxwell team. I joked on Facebook the other day that the old me didn’t really even know what the word “mentor” meant…and I would never have been in something called a “Mastermind Group” with a LIFE COACH on the John Maxwell team. In fact, a few shorts years ago, I didn’t even know who John Maxwell is. (If you get nothing else out of this post, trust me when I say if YOU don’t know who he is, go find out. His books will change your life. And, remind me to share a funny story about my hubby….who on our Arizona trip earlier this year didn’t know who he was and what I missed out on because of that lol.)

Ok, so, this 8-week Mastermind is centered around Maxwell’s book called Intentional Living. You can go grab yourself a copy here. Josh says in his opinion this is one of the best books Maxwell has ever written. I’m only one chapter in and I wanted to highlight like the entire chapter.

This could end up being a LONG post lol.

One of Josh’s favorite all-time excerpts from his books is in this very chapter…..”Stop Trying and Start Doing ~ Can we move from where we are to where we want to be just by trying? I don’t think so. Trying alone does not communicate true commitment. It’s half-hearted. It is not a pledge to do what’s necessary to achieve a goal. It’s another way of saying, “I’ll make an effort.” That’s not many steps away from, “I’ll go through the motions.” Trying rarely achieves anything significant. If an attitude of trying is not enough, then what is? An attitude of doing! There is enormous magic in the tiny word do. When we tell ourselves, “I’ll do it,” we unleash tremendous power. That act forges in us a chain of personal responsibility that ups our game; a desire to excel plus a sense of duty plus complete aliveness plus total dedication to getting done what has to be done. That equals commitment. An attitude of doing also helps us to become who we were meant to be. It is this doing attitude that often leads to the things we were meant to do. While trying is filled with good intentions, doing is the result of intentional living.”

Ahhhhh, INTENTIONAL LIVING.

Intentional living is not living the same year over and over and over and calling it a life. Think about that for a moment….

Our Mastermind is centered around the whole concept of living intentionally. But, what does that really MEAN?

The question I had to face on our call was actually asked of each of us in the group and we were to share with everyone the ONE in our lives right now that we’ve been TRYING to do instead of COMMITTING to do and it’s ultimately holding us back. What’s the one thing we are each basically choosing to not INTENTIONALLY DO and it’s therefore preventing us from reaching our goals?

My superficial answer was that not being at my goal weight is still holding me back. I wasn’t the only one who answered with the same and in true life coach fashion, Josh challenged us on our answers.

You see, I say my “superficial” answer because if you’ve been following me for a while you know I talk about my self-confidence issues with my weight never being about….the weight! Ha, I know it sounds like I’m contradicting myself but stay with me here.

He went on to ask, “So, tell us WHY you want to lose the weight.” And, said that he needs to ask that but not to be insulting as he believes we are beautiful the way we are BUT when the first thing that comes to mind to answer a question is that, we each on some level are in fact not okay with our weight. And, my answer was just what I’ve shared on my blog before. I want to lose weight…but I truly don’t think it’s really about….the weight. I didn’t FEEL better or different when I was 30 lbs. lighter. And, I’ve gained the weight back….in fact I’ve yoyo’d many times in my life. So, there is something else inside of me that feels I’m not worthy…..and that I don’t deserve success….maybe that I’m even afraid of success. I have grown so much in the past 3 years, so it’s ironic that although I feel the strongest I’ve ever felt, this past year has been the most painful time in my life other than when my brother died and it’s been a time when I’ve questioned myself the most.

So, when I answered that question by saying it was about the weight, I actually had a slight panic attack inside. I lost my breath. My pulse raced. I started to tear up. Yes, so here’s the deal….I DO want to lose weight….I want to be in the best possible shape I can be. It’s a personal goal. Some people will tell me I don’t need to lose weight….that I’m fine just the way I am. And, again, I’m trying to say this really isn’t about whether or not I NEED to….it’s about what I want to do….and it’s not really for anyone else to say. And, the thing is, I’ve been TRYING to lose weight….but not consistently DOING what I need to DO. I haven’t been intentionally doing. I’m proud of how far I’ve come but what I really had to dig deep and think about was just what Josh asked…..WHY?? Why do I feel I need to lose weight….why it is important to me….and why have I not fully succeeded??

And, my deeper truth is that I’m dealing with depression again and I probably have been for more than a year now. And, whether it’s a cause or an effect really doesn’t matter. But, I do believe it’s what is REALLY holding me back.

It’s not easy to share that. And, it wasn’t easy to recognize it this time in my life because it has been different than it has been before. Before, my depression would leave me hopeless and without direction. It seems crazy to me that I can feel so strong and so different now but at the same time still be fighting such an internal battle of sadness and helplessness. I’m sad…but I’m hopeful. I’m working harder than I ever have to let go of those things I cannot control and of guilt from the past. I even believe it has all ended up making me sick. Stress, anxiety and depression can wreak such havoc on your mind and your body. And, I think it can become a vicious cycle of it making you sick and then being sick making the stress, anxiety and depression even worse.

I’m not sure I’ve shared this anywhere but I have been seeing a counselor since last year and I have also recently been talking a lot with my family doctor about how I’ve been feeling, both physically and mentally. I share this not for anyone to feel sorry for me but because I think all too often people are too afraid or too proud to admit they are struggling or to ask for help. I believe asking for help means you are strong, not weak. And, I feel like I’m on the overcoming side of this now so of course it’s easier to share and talk about. I am feeling so much better physically. And, mentally….well, I’m slowly learning how to let go of the past again.

But, ya know what? Change and overcoming demons takes a lot of hard damn work. I’ve said this before but although I’ve grown a lot, I can’t expect to reverse a lifetime of insecurities, pain and guilt in a few short years. Overcoming depression is very hard and sometimes requires the help of medication. It takes recognizing there is something wrong. It takes asking someone for help. And, often those are the hardest things to do. I’ve been advised to take something. I’m making a personal choice not to. I do believe medication is necessary in certain cases ~ if there is something chemical in the brain happening, medication can help and there was a time after my brother died that I did need it. But, my counselor has said that he believes there’s a lot of power and success in simply moving your body a lot and regularly (ahhhhh, YES! part of the reason I love working out!!) and for me at this point in my life, I want to focus on that and nutrition and my support system and a LOT of prayer.

I share this all today in the hopes it can help someone who may be fighting an internal battle, and I’m extremely passionate about being okay with asking for help. My brother couldn’t find the strength to ask for help and it breaks my heart every day.

And, I share this all today in the hopes that I am challenging you to DIG DEEPER! Ask yourself what’s the ONE thing that’s holding you back in your life. What’s holding you back from achieving all of your goals? What’s holding you back from making that career change you’ve been dreaming about? What’s holding you back from going back to school if you’re not happy doing what you’re doing? What’s holding you back from leaving that relationship that doesn’t serve you anymore? What’s holding you back from losing weight once and for all? What’s holding you back from joining my team if it’s something you’ve considered? What’s holding you back from taking a chance on life?? Are you living your life intentionally??? If no one has told you, I will be the first ~ You have amazing gifts and they are meant to be shared with the world 🙂

Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.

AND, your bonus for the day!

So, after I had to answer my question, I was challenged even more, had to answer MORE questions, AND received a homework assignment (um, yes, I actually look forward to homework….again, not something I thought years ago I would EVER say). I am to research and find things that talk about the power of TODAY and then ask myself every day….many times a day….if what I’m doing is getting me closer to my goals. Since we are only reading a chapter or so a week of Intentional Living, I was to get and dive into Maxwell’s book Today Matters. Josh also asked me if I’m “okay with just being okay.” If I am in the same place a year from now, am I okay with that? If YOU are in the same place a year from now, are YOU okay with that? No one else can answer that question for us. For me, I will never be done growing and evolving. So, my answer was no…..I’m not okay with being in the same place a year from now. And, every year I have made a promise to myself to ask the same question and I’m determined to have the same answer. I actually have a FEAR of complacency WITH the fear of success and those fears have kept me kinda stuck. Fear and depression can paralyze you if you let them. I have too many dreams and goals to be paralyzed any longer. I can’t give 75% today and try give 125% tomorrow to make up for today. If I REALLY want to be able to spend more time with B, if I REALLY want to have financial freedom, if I REALLY want to write and publish that book, if I REALLY want to lose my weight once and for all, and if I really want to kick my depression to the curb, it has to be a DAILY choice to give 100% and a DAILY choice to turn to God when I’m hurting instead of food.

I really hope none of this sounds self-serving because SHE is my reason and my why about getting TRULY intentional with my life…

No one has told this little blonde-eyed beauty that something called depression exists…..
no one has told this little larger-than-life free-spirit that she can’t DO something she puts her mind to…..
and, rest assured I don’t want to be the one who ends up bursting her bubble all because she had to watch me try really hard instead of watching me JUST DO IT.

I love this saying! It’s not about the weight you lose but the life you gain.

Does she sound impossible? Good.

Because on her own, she is.

With God what seems impossible is just the peak of a miracle.” -5 Habits of a Woman who Never Quits

“If you think your life sucks, it probably does. If you think the world is out to get you, it probably is. If you think you deserve more, you probably do. The only thing in the world holding you back from achieving greatness is in fact you.”

I love this saying!
It’s not about the weight you lose but the life you gain.

With God what seems impossible is just the peak of a miracle.”
-5 Habits of a Woman who Never Quits