It’s sad I had to look back at the last time I blogged.
It was the middle of March!!
I’ve missed it….without a doubt. But, truth be told, I’ve been struggling to find my words. I was stuck in a pattern of thinking I had nothing of value to say but I didn’t really know why.
And, the longer I went without blogging…..the easier it was not to blog.
Ha, isn’t that just the thing about life?! Once you go a few days without doing something….even sometimes the things you love doing….it’s easy to let the days turn into WEEKS….the weeks turn into MONTHS…hopefully not YEARS but that happens, too! (I see and hear this with exercise ALLLLLLL the time too btw ~ especially when people start out with something they don’t love OR they don’t see immediate results! Instead of trying something else, they give up. And, instead of practicing a little patience, they give up when they don’t see results.)
And, as with exercise, welllllllll……as with ANYTHING really….it’s never too late to get back in the saddle again! AND, instead of shaming yourself or feeling guilty for getting a little lost or for failing at a new goal, just decide to rise again!! Reflect on WHY it didn’t work. Reach out to an expert or a mentor or sometimes just even a FRIEND. Set NEW goals. Find a different way.
I reflected. I reached out. I recognized I made mistakes in my approach. I learned from said mistakes. I set new goals. AND, I found a different way!!!!! (Now, all this pertains to my life in general in the past several months….but first to share about blogging again.)
Last week, I met with a blogging expert recommended by Jen Hatmaker, Micah J. Murray. (Where are all my Jen lovers?!?! She rocks my socks off, and if you’re a Believer and not following her, you totally should 🙂 You can follow her here!) So, I’m not surprised someone she recommended would TOTALLY help turn this whole blog-ship around! (His name is Micah and if you’re looking for an awesome workshop to help you blog or for a 1-on-1 to help you find your voice, I would definitely connect with him!!)
When he asked me what I wanted to focus on for our call, I immediately starting talking about feeling like I lost my voice. After some probing questions about how often I blog, the goals I had set and about the overall look and layout of my site, he had some incredible insight to WHY in fact I was stuck.
Last October after attending an annual conference for administrative assistants, I made it a goal to blog every day. We had just witnessed a presentation by an amazing artist who had committed to writing a new SONG every day for a year. I was like, DANG, if this guy can write a new SONG every day, surely I can write a blog post every day. I wanted to do my part to change the world…if even just a little…every day.
I did pretty well going after that new goal and I was loving writing. Did I FEEL like writing every day? No. But, for the most part, I enjoyed it….I was finding the words to say what I wanted to say….and I was doing it. UNTIL my blog was the target of a hacker. I still don’t know a lot about being hacked ~ why they do it and what they gain from it. I’m guessing it was purely random and coincidental my site was targeted BUT I can tell you that the expense of fixing it and knowing they had access to the INS of my site felt very violating. My site was down and up and up and down for weeks and honestly there are STILL remnants of what happened. And, I spent hundreds of dollars paying experts to clean and protect it. I made the mistake of not researching what I needed to have to be protected. And, it not only cost me a lot of money and time to fix but it seriously took the wind of out my writing sails.
The next mistake I made was my goal of publishing a blog post every day.
I hadn’t really looked at it like this but Micah opened my eyes to the fact that it’s REALLY challenging to have enough creative energy to keep up with that kind of blogging schedule. And, given I work full-time and have a side hustle as a wellness coach, in addition to focusing my family and friends, it was simply too lofty of a goal. My new goal is 1 to 2 times a week 🙂
And, since I’m human (remind me to tell y’all a little story about B and “humans” lol), I spent the better part of a month and a half until I chatted with Micah feeling down on myself for falling again…..for failing at a goal I set.
It’s taken me a while but I’m finally ok with failing at that goal. Because I now recognize the goal was just too big. I’m ALLLLLL about setting big goals and stretching myself….BUT this one just wasn’t a goal that was good for me or for my family in the season that we’re in. And, once I accepted that, I could let go of that feeling of failure.
The last thing that Micah believes has been holding me back is my online space. I had described just not feeling like my site was HOME to me anymore. It was almost like I felt like a stranger writing on it. I think this started to get worse after the hack….but I’d been feeling even before that that it just doesn’t show who I really am. It’s not bright and bold and honestly….there’s simply not enough PINK!! lol. When I first envisioned my site, it had a LOT of pink and colorful images and made you smile just to look at it (probably too much pink…..as if there’s such a thing)….but in the initial design, the developer was trying to incorporate pink and teal and black all together and it was just too much….I ended up saying no, let’s scale down….and then she recommended teal. ANYHOO, long story short, pink is my jam if you’re new around here 😉 So, I have a new design to be in the works soon…..WITH a new name and everything!!
AND, I have some exciting news about the new name!! I’ll be hosting a little reinventing my blog contest!! I MAY just end up using my name (that’s what many experts recommend). BUT, I’m just not sure that’s what I want to do! I want something that is fun and POPS and has ME written all over it….without just saying my name lol. And, I’m totally gonna be giving away prizes for submissions that make the top 10 and a grand prize if I end up choosing a name that’s submitted!! Stay tuned for more deets on how you can help me reinvent my blog!
AND AND after all the help I received from Micah….I was going thru to approve comments from previous posts and I found this! It’s not to toot my own horn but I more wanted to share it because I think we ALL wonder from time to time if we are making a difference…and honestly, it just made me feel really good. As I’ve said before, if I’m making a difference and inspiring even ONE person with my story, it’s more than worth it to me. And, from day 1, my blog has been about healing myself thru my writing and it’s been a long road but the awesome, amazing news is that it has been helping me heal….in part because of messages like this.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are a very talented writer; one who makes you “feel” as the reader. That’s a gift, and you’ve got it! I love the inspiration I get every time I read one of your blogs or posts!
You are beautiful because of who you are!” ~Corena
I think my favorite part of it is “you are beautiful because of who you are.”
For far too long, I thought the only way to be beautiful was to be…….welllllll, I honestly didn’t think I could be. I just wanted to be someone else…..anyone but me. I didn’t think I had any gifts. I wanted to look and act and think and be gifted like “someone else.” And, I found my worth in the validation of others….
Well, the truth is, I’ve always been my own kind of beautiful because….I’M ME!!! And, I’ve always been worth because I’m His!!! This blog and my journey as a coach have helped me realize that!
And, guess what, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE, TOO. Plain. And. Simple. We each have our own unique gifts and it’s a FREAKING shame if you’re not sharing yours with the world. Maybe you don’t know what they are yet….but I can guarantee you you have them. You just have to dig deep and FIND THEM and THEN most importantly have the courage to go share them with the world. And, the next time you wanna try tell yourself anything but, JUST STOP. Start talking to yourself like you would your best friend. Would you ever tell your best friend they’re unlovable? Fat? Not pretty enuf? Not smart enuf? That they don’t have any gifts???
So, why would you say those things to or think that of yourself?
Start acting like you are your best friend….because you are.
And, if you’re out there wanting to be someone else…..wanting to have someone else’s success and talents…..wanting someone else to validate your worth, JUST STOP.
Don’t waste another minute wanting to be or look or think or do like anyone but YOU!!!! Everything you need is already inside.
And all this leads me to rest of the story…..(can anyone hear Paul Harvey’s voice?!? if you’re young, you probably don’t even know who Paul Harvey is lol)
If you’re new around here, you maybe don’t know that I have fallen and got back up over and over and over again. And, you know what? That’s partly still my story but it doesn’t have to define me. It’s STILL freaking ok. It was OK that last time I fell. And, it’s STILL freaking OK!!
Because life happens.
And, because I will rise every time.
These past few years have been really hard. From debt to my marriage to my Faith to my health to my family.
As most of you know, I blog mostly about my health & fitness & personal growth journey. And, to try to write about what I’ve been going through is hard but I also know that we grow through what we go through and if this part of my story can help someone else, AGAIN it’s more than worth it to me to share.
As I write this post, I’m at the highest non-pregnancy weight I’ve ever been. And, while I will say all the time, it’s not about the weight you lose but the life you gain, I have to be honest that it’s hard to have my first blog post back in several months be in part about how I’ve gained weight and haven’t been owning my life. What makes it EASY is because of what I said above….we grow through what we go through. And, I have grown even stronger on the inside.
Yes, my weight has yo-yo’d yet again. I did a detox in February into March and despite some ongoing health issues I physically felt the best I had in months. But, I still didn’t feel GOOD….I didn’t feel right. I lost a little over 14 lbs. and 17 inches. And, to be completely transparent, I’ve gained all it of back plus about 5 lbs. It’s hard to admit that. It’s hard to say I “failed” again. Yes, it’s hard because I’m a health & fitness coach promoting a healthy, sustainable lifestyle change and I seemingly can’t figure out my own! BUT, more importantly, it’s hard because….I’m human.
I’ve experienced a LOT of “God things” as I like to call them since February. I will be blogging more about them but some things and opportunities have come into my life that I just KNOW were meant to to help me find the answers I’ve been searching so desperately for.
I’ve been fighting health issues for the better part of two years now. And after quite a bit of doctoring and money spent last spring, I kinda gave up trying to chase something that I felt was elusive. I didn’t give up on ME and kept trying a variety of things I would find through research on my own. But, it’s almost like I gave up on feeling normal again. I kinda resigned myself to the fact, well this is just how I’m gonna feel I guess since they just can’t find anything. Well, I reached a breaking point recently where it just wasn’t acceptable to me anymore and I got back in a more proactive role of trying to find out what’s wrong! After I starting gaining the weight again and was really paying attention to all the strange things happening with my body….even issues with my vision….I got back to the drawing board and started to take ownership again. I scheduled an appointment with my OBGYN because I’m starting to think many of my issues are hormonal and I started to become more of a detective with my health and specifically my nutrition. I’m not following any certain nutrition program with a set meal plan and a guide on when and what and how often and how much to eat. I’m making my own decisions but with the guidance of one of the most influential mentors in my life, Chalene Johnson. And, I feel the most hopeful and excited I have in a long long time.
No, the most important thing in life is NOT your weight. BUT, one of THE MOST IMPORTANT things in life is your BODY. You have one body and one life, right?!?
I have a long way to go again to regain my health and my body, but rest assured I AM GOING TO. I’ll be sharing more as I go through this next new exciting season!! Stay tuned….
And, I’ll leave you with this…..
We fall. We rise.
We make mistakes. We live & learn from those mistakes.
We’re HUMAN. We’re not perfect.
We’ve been hurt, but we’re still here.
We can choose to live….to breathe….to think….to enjoy…..TO FIND JOY….to chase the things we love.
Sometimes we will be sad, but for every moment of sadness there are more moments of beautiful.
We need to just keep putting one foot in front of the other….even when we hurt, even when we are sad, even when we feel lost….because we know that often the MIRACLE is JUST around the bend….just on the other side of the pain and sadness….and we don’t want to be the ones who quit just before the miracle.