Have you ever seen the quote “My kids are my reason, not my excuse” when it comes to finding the time to exercise?
I think all us moms out here can relate to how much our lives changed after kids. Of course our lives became even more amazing 🙂 But, our time was no longer just OUR TIME. And, I totally admire the moms who are “plus1” in the kid department. How y’all get it done every dang day impresses the crap outta me. I have the 1 kid and some days I STILL don’t get it “all” done.
Let’s take a pause to talk about my kid 🙂
If you’re new here, this is my B 🙂
(We were camping for the weekend and she was SO excited that she found me a heart rock ‘cuz she KNOWS how much I love hearts 🙂 )
Ok, and I just have to share one quick story 🙂 This was from just last night 🙂 She is 100% tom-boy & 100% girlie-girl. She loves to get dirty and ride 4-wheeler and legos and climbing trees. She’s also OBSESSED with dolls and “real babies” and watching “real baby videos” on YouTube and Shopkins and her friends and has her own unique fashion sense and a collection of scarves larger than I have. So, last night, she was climbing on our 4-wheeler and fell off and totally scraped up her back on the step on the way down. She wouldn’t cry. And, didn’t want us to look at it. But, after we finally did see it and trying to hold back my expression of how bad it looked, I told her, “You’re my tom-boy girlie girl aren’t you?” To which she said, “No, Mom. I’m just a girl who gets hurt a lot.” (Her legs and arms would prove that point lol! Kid has more scrapes, bumps and bruises than I ever remember having!) So, realizing that she didn’t like me calling her a tom-boy, I simply said, “Well, you know one of the things I love the most about you? You’re not afraid to take chances.” “No, Mom. I’m not” with a proud grin on her face. Ahhhhh, my wish is that she never loses that.
Ok and now back to reasons….
I did have to take ownership of those days where I don’t…..get it all done.
It’s rarely on her.
It’s almost always on me.
So, when she was very little, I realized that I could either use her as my excuse as to why I “just didn’t have the time” to take care of myself by exercising and eating right and growing from the inside OR I could use her as my REASON to do all those things.
She is FAR from an excuse. She IS my reason.
She has been my reason for so many things……
For wanting to stay home with her the full 3 months of maternity leave….even if I didn’t get paid for all the time I took….and even if my husband kept trying to say it was a vacation. (insert eye roll right MOMS??) I wanted that time to bond with her. I wanted that time to enjoy and revel in the miracle and let’s be real…..to get some sleep (STILL not a vacation dad) lol.
For wanting to work hard to advance my education and my career to better provide for her….and then for wanting to think outside the box with coaching and writing to earn enough of an income to provide security AND freedom for our family.
And, like I said, for wanting to focus on my health and vitality to make sure that not only would I be around to watch her and her children grow up but I would be the strongest version of myself I could be along the way.
Which brings me to where I’m at in my health journey and being as strong as I can for her and for me…..
About a month ago, (yes, my dang blog editor has been down for weeks again!…and I have no idea what changes and all the sudden it will work again! grrrrr) I shared a post about a crazy health discovery. You can read about it HERE if you haven’t already.
And, I’ll be sharing more of my story as I overcome and reclaim my health.
But, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection since the discovery about my IUD and I just had to share this.
I mentioned in the last post that I’d been dealing with a lot of health issues but I wanted to be a bit more vulnerable and real with y’all.
I haven’t officially been diagnosed with PCOS. I’m praying the Mirena didn’t cause it….and that ultimately I don’t have it. I will be following up with my OBGYN for the next few months and hopefully finding more answers. But, she did say I have symptoms of a “PCOS-like metabolism”…..which, among other things, can likely result in weight gain and weight loss resistance and is correlated with anxiety and depression, among many other challenging things.
It was a hard pill to swallow when you’ve been on a weight loss journey and worked so hard to become stronger emotionally AND you’re a health & fitness coach trying to lead by example.
I started coaching in late October 2013. And, for the next year and a half, I rocked my journey! I was feeling amazing. I was in the best shape of my life. I was in even better shape than when I had trained for and ran my first half marathon. Things were JUST working for me. I wasn’t binge eating. I wasn’t perfect by any means and that’s not something I strive for but I was comfortable in my methods. I honestly felt like I was overcoming my depression and emotional eating and my weight. I got down to my lowest in years at 154 and was getting close to being in a size 6.
And, then the middle of 2015 hit.
The next two years would be a battle.
And, in the “end,” the better part of 45 lbs. would creep back on and I would feel more physically sick and more depressed and anxious than I had maybe ever before.
I was my heaviest just before and just after I had B in 2010 at 199 lbs. In 2014 I got down to 154 and honestly just FELT the best I had maybe in my entire life! By February of this year, I would be a little over the 200 mark and struggled with just about everything under the sun.
The thing is, I’m not gonna sit here and not take any ownership and blame it all on the Mirena. I believe in my heart, especially considering all the other side effects (if you read the post, the CRAZY PERSON part for one lol), it was in fact part of the reason. I had to work really hard to lose and when I would even have one or two not so good days, I could gain 8 lbs. And, mentally, I feel completely different than I did a month ago!
But, that’s just it….it was part of the reason….it can’t be my excuse.
Because I’m here to tell ya, if you let something negative be your story, IT WILL BE YOUR STORY. If you hold onto it, it will ABSO-FRICKIN-LUTELY HOLD YOU BACK. What you focus on grows.
So, just as my little B is a reason to simply love and believe in myself, this setback and my reality of what has happened is SIMPLY A REASON TO WORK HARDER. If, in fact, I do have PCOS, it doesn’t have to be the reason I don’t succeed. If I live every day telling myself I have PCOS and I can’t lose weight, that will be my reality. If I live every day telling myself I’m depressed and anxious, I WILL BE DEPRESSED AND ANXIOUS.
The words and the stories we tell ourselves have such strong, amazing power over us!
SO, I’m rewriting my story and changing my words. I just had a few bad chapters. But, those chapters don’t have to define me. This “thing” that happened doesn’t have any power over me. I truly feel what we believe we achieve.
And, that can work either for you or against you.
It’s been working against me.
It’s time to get my story working for me again.
It’s time to start telling myself that PCOS can kiss my buttuski. It’s time to start telling myself that I’m actually not depressed and I can keep focusing on growing in my Faith instead. It’s time to start using the 5 Second Rule to tell my anxiety that it doesn’t live here anymore.
(Let’s take another PAUSE. What’s the 5 Second Rule?!? It’s a GREAT book but you can also learn about it with this TedTalk by Mel Robbins! So worth time! I’ll be talking more about it!!)
And, a bit more frivolous note, I’ve had the goal of getting into a bikini before and I’m recommitting!! I get to go to the Riveria Maya next April on a coach reward trip and I’ve made it my goal to be rockin’ a bikini!
I’m gonna hang that baby up and look at it every damn day as a reminder of my goals.
But, it’s really not about the freaking bikini.
It’s about proving to myself that I can. It’s about recognizing my setbacks and my limits but not letting them have power over me.
I’ve been feeling like a new person this past month! Most all of my symptoms that were at times debilitating have almost completely vanished!! (The only really lingering struggle I seem to have is the fatigue but it’s getting better!)Â And, my body has released almost 10 lbs without me making any changes.
And, I’ve honestly just taken this time to enjoy my family and friends and camping and ate and drank whatever I wanted. But, I decided the real work begins now. Yes, I feel good and I’m so so thankful to finally be able to say that. But, I know I can feel even better!!
Over the past few days, I just feel like someone up above is trying to remind me of something.
In church on Sunday, the message was about life and pain. While pain is unavoidable, it does serve a purpose. It makes us grow. It makes us stronger. And, as I’ve talked about, it doesn’t have to define our lives.
Life will knock you down. You don’t have to stay there.
And, I just started a new fitness program yesterday that is NEW to the world and the trainer is absolutely amazing. The guy literally cried when he stepped out onto the stage at Coach Summit last week in New Orleans and many cried with him. I’ve listened to his heart several times since….once during a live workout with him in New Orleans. Seriously guys, this trainer knows how to pull at your heart strings and strengthen your mind with his words! At one point during the very first workout yesterday, he said, “It’s never too late to reinvent yourself!”
You’re never too old, too young, too broke, too scared, too stuck, too ANYTHING to take a chance on something that’s on your heart to go do.
So, I’m listening!
I COULD sit back and just enjoy feeling normal again. I COULD just see how much more weight I could lose without really trying and wait for my body to regulate itself on its own. I COULD tell myself that I just don’t have the time.
OR, I COULD push my limits again! I COULD make the choice to do the hard thing. I COULD freaking EAT like I love my body and help turn things around even faster! I COULD forego that instant gratification that results in long-term pain. I COULD make the time. And, I COULD use my little as a REASON yet again.
I think I’ll go with the latter!
I share my journey here and on social media as a way to stay accountable and in the hopes of making someone smile or inspiring someone to make a change they’ve been wanting to make but just haven’t had the courage. I am blessed to use this platform as a way to heal, but I don’t share because I’m special or any different than anyone else. But, because I truly believe God put sharing my story on my heart to do. And, I want to listen. So, when I had to share a new “Day 1” yet again in my journey yesterday, it was freaking hard to do!! I didn’t WANT to do it!! And, I couldn’t help but ask myself, “How many day 1s are you gonna have girl?!?”
Guess what my answer was?!
“As many as it takes!”
“She remembered who she was and the game changed.”
~Lalah Deliah
