My journey to repair my relationship with my body and with food has been filled with many peaks and valleys.
I’ve tried countless “diets”, pills, potions, fads and quick fixes.
I’ve went through seasons of totally not caring about what I ate to obsessing about what I ate over and over again.
I’ve isolated myself from family and friends in my more obsessive of seasons.
I’ve watched my weight yo-yo time and time again.
I’ve spent countless hours researching and reading and reading and researching for the “best” approach to finding food freedom and a healthy body image.
I’ve went through seasons of obsessive and excessive exercise.
All in the pursuit of finding my happy and “healthy” place.
“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” Henry David Thoreau
What an ah-ha moment reading that was for me!
My answer has really been right in front of me my whole life. I just never saw it for what it was!
I had been looking for something external to “fix it”….to “fix” me.
But, it wasn’t ME that was broken…it was the way I saw myself! (Ok, I was and am a little broken. We’re all a little broken. BUT, I wasn’t broken in the way I thought I was. My weight and my size didn’t make me broken.)
I finally realized it wasn’t about a diet, a pill, a potion, a fad or a quick fix that could FIX me.
It was never about the weight. It wasn’t about the size of my jeans. It wasn’t about doing it all on my own. And, more recently for me, maybe it wasn’t even about being gluten-, sugar-, caffeine-, meat-, alcohol- and chewing gum-FREE.
It was simply about being FREE.
My latest journey to freedom was doing a 21-day detox program and it would turn out to be one of the most life-changing things I’ve done in my journey.
And, you know what? It didn’t change things for me because I lost a few lbs. and inches.
It changed things for me because I DID IT. I conquered something I never would’ve thought I could do. Maybe giving up all those things for 21 days would be a piece of cake for you but for me it was anything BUT. And, it changed things because even though I had thought I had learned how to “ditch the diet” when I started coaching, I realized through this that I’ve been trying to lose weight for the better part of 25 YEARS. I was trying to lose weight back when I really shouldn’t have been trying to!
I’m finally getting to my results and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited about them.
But, what I’m really excited about is the next step. I’m excited about my transition now.
Why am I so excited?? Ha, I’m sure you’re thinking, she’s ALWAYS saying she’s excited for her next step!
And, the truth is, I always am!! But, this time is a little different.
Because, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m not going to be focusing on losing weight.
And, it’s kinda scary ‘cuz it goes against everything I’ve ever known.
I’m going to be doing something called reverse dieting while following macros. I’ll be sharing more about it in the coming weeks but the long and short of it is, my next season will be uncharted territory for me. I’m going to be spending the next several months repairing my metabolism and continuing to repair my body image. It’s a time to focus solely on getting stronger. If I were to keep trying to lose body fat at this point, eventually my calories would be so low that it would be very counter-productive for my body. So, for the next several months, I will be slowly increasing my calories and probably even gaining a little weight back.
And, the best part of it is for me means that I’m not going to be giving up anything. My brain just doesn’t do well with deprivation. I wouldn’t change what I did these past 3 weeks and my body feels amazing right now, BUT I will say I was very close to binge behavior and I didn’t like that feeling at all.
So, no more guilt what-so-ever for having a diet coke here and there. No more guilt for having some candy. No more guilt for eating a cupcake. #everythinginmoderation. I’m starting to lean more towards stress being the reason my stomach was all out of whack early last year and why I had so many weird things going on this past year. And, while I always thought it was part of it, I don’t think I realized just how much until I started to come through some of the stress, depression and anxiety and how I had already been starting to feel so much better.
Ha, okay this is turning into a marathon blog post! See what happens when I don’t finish a post every day?!? Sorry guys!
And, now…here are the detox results!
The almost 18 inches overall #hadmelike YAY! I know some of this is water weight but it feels amazing! And, I even lost from my legs, arms and chest ~ not just my abs area. And, my skin is GREAT!!! I’m sleeping GREAT!!! So glad I did this!
And, NOW, I’m so glad to be getting back to my workouts and giving macros another shot but in a different way. I found a lot of clarity these past few months and I have more knowledge and more support than I’ve had when I’ve tried it in the past. I thought I’d share the cover photo in one of my support groups ~ Eat. In. Peace. #yesthatsthegoal And, yet, again, “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” Even when it comes to an unhealthy relationship with yourself and with food. #foodfreedom #eatinpeace