I love this saying!
It’s not about the weight you lose but the life you gain.
So, a friend snapped this pic last week on a trip to Vegas. (Yup, that’s me and Danny DeVito lol.) And, I have to be honest that when she sent it to me, my reply was “Oh my.”
The trip was awesome! We had nice weather, we stayed at an awesome place, we were with good people, we had a lot of laughs, AND we enjoyed good food and drinks. But, there were many times on the trip when I was self-conscious about the weight I’ve gained (yo-yo’d) over the past 2 years. Like when we were ziplining over Freemont street (SO SO fun btw!! MUST do if you’re ever there!), when putting on a tankini I hadn’t worn in months to go lay by the pool, when trying to button up my skinny jeans (that I had already bought in a size bigger early last fall) on day 3, and when I saw this pic.
Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself and thought, is that me?!?
Well, that’s what I thought when I saw this. OH MY….is that really me?
I had done my best to suck it in and pose my arm just right.
And, yet….OH MY….is that really me?
I started health & fitness coaching in October of 2013. And, I rocked my first few years or so as a coach in terms of focusing on my health & fitness goals. I lost weight, got down to the lowest size I’d been in like 15 years, and was in the best shape of my life. I was learning and growing with my team. I had started this “healthy lifestyle” blog. It was a wonderful and exciting first few years!
This first pic was my first trip as a coach to Summit in Vegas in 2014 and I. Felt. Ah-mazing.
I felt confident. I felt hopeful. I felt energetic. I felt taller. I felt lean. I felt strong. My skin was clear and glowing. My clothes fit well and I remember shopping for smaller ones.
just before and during a Beachbody trip I won with my sister in March of 2015.
at Coach Summit in Nashville in 2015.
with Miss Autumn herself on a cruise I won in March of 2016! Daryn & B were with and it was an amazing trip!
But, I was definitely starting to become more self conscious about the weight I had been gaining and how I was feeling. AND, seriously, how tiny is she?!?! lol
Things definitely started to take a turn in 2015 and into 2016. I lost two people I was very close to. I was beating myself up for past mistakes. I just couldn’t keep any momentum I had going. And, I slowly started gaining the weight I had lost back.
As coaches, a few of the things we focus on the most are personal growth and dreaming BIG! And, with focusing on those things, you have to seriously dig deep and work harder on yourself than anyone else and harder on the inside than your outside in order to succeed. So, while I had success losing weight and getting in shape when I first started coaching, the other part of my journey would take me longer to figure out. And, when I started gaining weight again, I really had to take a step back and figure out why. Why was I letting myself go again?
Now, rest assured, I WAS trying to deal…..to dig deep….and I was doing so so many things I had NEVER done….things that had never even been on my radar to do….to help feel better and stronger. Becoming a coach gave me so much courage. Becoming a coach gave me the tools and resources to be able to do things that made me uncomfortable….in order to grow. But, change doesn’t happen overnight. Confronting your fears is hard and it will get harder before it gets easier! Letting go is a process. Breaking old habits is a process. And, if you’re like me, one of your worst habits is self-sabotage, so a part of you doesn’t even think you DESERVE success or to be happy.
But, sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself.
And, over the next year or so, I did just that. I lost myself…..but in the end, in a good way.
I would start and stop over and over again with my health & fitness goals. I was feeling stronger on the inside than I had in my whole life but the moment I would see glimpses of success I would revert and self-sabotage. I would take a step back when the going got tough. I would remember my comfortably uncomfortable life before I started coaching and blogging. And, part of me often just wanted to go back to that. Not because my old life had been easier…it was anything but easier…but because it was what I knew. This new life of taking chances and putting my thoughts and imperfections out there was scary. And, in all honesty, I was still so busy blaming others and not taking ownership of my life and letting others dictate my mood and how I felt about myself that I was spinning my wheels. I was trying to do so much that I wasn’t doing anything well or with the time, attention and effort things deserved. My relationships were struggling. My work and my coaching was struggling. I was starting to have drinks and go out too often just to try escape. I felt like I was failing as a mom. My marriage was failing. Many of the things that I fought before I became a coach were resurfacing.
Looking back, 2016 was a rock bottom for me.
But, you know what they say about rock bottoms….you have nowhere to go but up.
Ironic how one of the hardest times in my life became the best thing that could’ve happened. I got through it all by telling myself over and over again that it’s okay to be scared. Sometimes the best things in life are the things that scare us the most. Many…maybe even most of us are scared of getting hurt. We are scared of being vulnerable. We are scared of failure….for some of us maybe even more scared of others seeing us fail.
I started taking all the words I had read in my personal development books since I started coaching and actually started APPLYING what I had learned!
I started to take true ownership of my life. I stopped playing the victim.
I started letting go of my past and all the hurt, shame, guilt and blame. Not just TALKING and WRITING about doing it but actually DOING it.
I started researching more about nutrition and how going back to clean eating and eating more often (I had largely been doing flexible dieting with intermittent fasting) could help me with my anxiety and depression and overall physical health. (I learned that some women can have adverse hormonal effects from intermittent fasting. And, after learning the symptoms, I definitely believe I was).
I started seeing a new therapist.
I started to pray more intentionally.
AND, I started to work harder on my marriage than maybe I ever had.
My story is far from finished. I just had a few bad chapters missed in with the good. I have so much more to learn and do and give! And, while I AM going to continue to write about losing weight, what I really want to talk about is the life I continue to gain through the process. I don’t want to be embarrassed about being a health & fitness coach and a healthy lifestyle blogger who doesn’t have her SHIT together!! So, when a fellow coach and friend shared this on one of our team pages, it hit me hard and I knew it had to be a part of a blog post about my comeback story!
“Honestly, I’m tired of her, this woman, who quits everything and continues to stay in the cycle of failure. She hardly completes her assignments each day, and she gives up effortlessly. The banner over her life is exhaustion. And she’s this woman God and others can’t count on. This Quitzilla, me. But through Ruth’s example I’ve had a small taste of what happens when a woman decides she’s going to become someone who follows through with her commitment. She has the potential not only to change generational lines but to infuse her world with blessing. The scent of this woman has stirred a holy fire in me. She is able to look into the future with confidence because she is determined to become the vessel for what she has been created to do. She’s not tossing pennies into the wishing well of life. Her focus is contagious, and she has the ability to stick with things long enough to master them. She understands that the days, weeks, months, and years aren’t here forever. And the passions within her have the ability to become forgotten daydreams.
Does she sound impossible? Good.
Because on her own, she is.
With God what seems impossible is just the peak of a miracle.”
-5 Habits of a Woman who Never Quits
How. Perfect. Is. This. I don’t want to be the woman God and others can’t count on. I don’t want to be Quitzilla! I don’t want to be exhausted. I won’t spend the rest of my life wishing. I won’t let my dreams and my passions be forgotten. Who’s with me on all of this?!? Repeat after me! “I will be dependable and a woman of my word. I will be confident of my future and why I’m here! I will master what I set out to master. I will be a blessing to God and others!” And, just so y’all know….my focus will be contagious!!!!….because this week I’m heading into 111 days of focused healthy eating and exercise and will continue to heal through my writing and team building! And, I won’t go it alone! I will turn to God first ~ and my team, my coach, my family, my friends, my clients. My list of people who never quit on me is quite extensive….Yes, I’m blessed beyond measure.
If any of this spoke to you, please remember this ~
Be the person who never quits.
You are powerful beyond measure.
You’re still writing your story. A few bad chapters never means the story is over.
Forgive others. Forgive yourself.
Love others. Love yourself.
Take some chances already! What are you waiting for??
#MondayMatters #EVERYdayMATTERS #