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have you come to the end of yourself? a story about suicide & life.

my brother was 20 years old when we lost him to suicide. he was a sweet, quiet and kind soul. he was funny and witty and sensitive. he loved hard. he would have given the coat off his back to give someone else warmth. and at some point along the way in those 20 years, he ended up in so much pain that he decided there was no other way out. i have no idea how long he had been fighting for his life before that night. i have made myself sick wondering. i have also, along with so many in my family, wondered if there were signs and what i missed and what i could have done differently so that he wouldn't have made the choice to leave us. so. much. guilt. and confusion. and tremendous grief. even now, 19 years later. my sister shared a blog post this week that i want to also share with you because it was so powerful. it was published on the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website. so many things stuck out to me in the writer's words but the … Read More

LEAN IN….

it's been so long since i've blogged that i kinda feel like i need to re-introduce myself ;) hey, y'all! my name is Dina (pronounced DeeNah) and this is a little about me #thisisme i'm a Jesus girl but I do cuss a little my parents divorced when i was 2 and afterward i was blessed with a big extended family full of moms, dads, aunts, uncles, cousins & grandparents i'm a wifey of 14 years to my hubby Daryn (we met when I was 19....I'm now 43....and we're STILL trying to figure eachother out lol) i'm a mommy to Brooklyn who is officially a 3rd grader #slowdown (she has lots of nicknames ~ B, Brookers, Brooky, Brook...i don't think she's quite decided which one is more her yet ~ i personally just like to call her Brooklyn like we named her lol but on social media i often refer to her as "B"....'cuz you know it's hard to type the rest of the letters ;0) i'm operations assistant at a communication services company in small town ND by day.... and a virtual health … Read More

my best yes…

wellll, DANG y'all! it's been a minute since i last blogged! i've maybe used this line before but i've been busy napping & eating & stuff like that ;) i'm good at multi-tasking (seriously, this is NOT something anyone should strive to be good at it...it's not good for our brains y'all! so stop it! #psa) BUT it's hard to blog when you're sleeping. (i'm kinda kidding 'cuz i don't get as much sleep as i should! if you get 8 to 9 hours of sleep a night and you have at least one kiddo and one housepet, friend i wanna chat with you and find out how. even my hubby said the other morning, "Geez, every night is a shit show." ha. #ittotallyis. between the 2 of us being light sleepers and both with snoring problems, a 7yo who rarely sleeps thru the night AND a puppy who would rather chew our ears and lay on our heads than sleep......well #shitshow. p.s. have y'all seen our 7yo (almost 8yo) & puppy tho?? i mean they're really cute so who could be mad about … Read More

Who wore it best???

Hi, I'm Dina and I love allllllll things fashion! I love looking thru clothing mags, PeopleStyle is like my fave all-time mag, I LOVE when they do "Who Wore it Best" comparisons, AND I LOOOOOOOOOVE watching shows like What Not to Wear and Fashion Runway! Oh, AND, I love to find looks on Pinterest and re-create them for myself inexpensively (I totally have not had enuf time lately to do this last one but it's soooooo fun! Here's a look I recreated a while back with a pair of Levi's, striped tank top on sale at JCPenney and a cheapo necklace from Old Navy!) You'll find out if you keep reading what inspired this blog post but one of the things I'm gonna poke a little fun at myself about is "Who Wore it Best."But first, check these out!!! So, seriously?!?! Who else LOVES these like I do???? Obvi some of these are just for fun but I LOVE the "real" ones where it's like red carpet events and two or more celebrities … Read More

only YOU can decide what breaks you…..

Sometimes i find a REALLY good title to a blog post and i think....hmmmm, that could actually just be enough said. Buttttttttttttttttttt that's so not my style. Soooooo, HEY THERE Y'ALL! It's been a while! So, settle in 'cuz we may be here for a while lol. My new blog is still in development and when working with my developer he said something about needing "creative space" as bloggers and how important it is to FEEL like your site is your home and your energy. I think I had lost that a little bit with this space. But, I finally decided that I need to just write and share here 'cuz it's all I have right now! It could honestly be another month or two until that thing is live so.....here I am finally writing! I've honestly only been journaling for the past month or so and I'm excited to be back to blogging! If you didn't catch my last posts, you can HERE & HERE & HERE. But be sure to come back to this one and I'm really hoping that I can carve out enough time to at … Read More

My little B….

This little girl is probably way spoiled. And without a doubt stubborn. And bored if she doesn't have friends over 24/7. And a tad whiny. And is quite unable to put outfits together that match. This little girl is also ah-mazing! And without a doubt smart, funny, witty, loveable, affectionate, and kind-hearted! And persistent! And smiley! And social! And grateful! And has a style all her own! I can't really remember what I was like at her age but I'd love to think I was just like her. She's 7-1/2 going on 13....yet it seems like it was just yesterday she was born. When we called the hospital the morning before she actually arrived, they told us to just stay home. But, I'm guessing a lot of you moms out there can relate that when we know....we just know. And, when the closest hospital is 40 miles away, I wasn't really in the mood to just stay home and see what happened. So, we left anyway. When they finally checked us in to stay … Read More

Reinventing myself…..

Hey happy FRI-YAY y'all! So, funny story. I was getting my hair done last night (ok it's now been a few weeks ago....ha that's how long I was working on this post lol!) and I've been obsessed with pink hair lately (and my pink hair is already gone....#tears #itwasfunwhileitlasted). Like seriously if you haven't checked out my Pinterest hair board for CUTE hair....including tons of CUTE PINK hair....you totally should. Here it is if you need it or click on any of my hair crushes below!! PINK So, when I showed my stylist (who FREAKIN' ROCKS by the way! If you live in the northwest North Dakota area and are looking for a new stylist, go see Mindy at Evolution Salon in Minot. She is part-owner of the salon and has been doing hair for over 10 years.....and seriously is just amazing at what she does....including taking the time to really listen to what you want! #highlyrecommend ~ She's the second on the left in the pic below.......has amazing hair herself.....AND you can click on … Read More

Bring it to the light….

I remember the morning my brother died like it was yesterday. It was 18 years ago.....but, the thing about tremendous grief is that it doesn't go away.....it just changes. I was at work in a clinic that day in August 1999, and I remember my aunt walking through the door to our business office with a look of shear panic on her face and my heart immediately sank. I knew what she was about to tell me was bad....but in that moment, I had no idea just how tragic the news would be. She took me into my boss's office and told me that Kjell was gone.....that he'd taken his own life. I remember my legs giving out underneath me and my body going limp. I remember falling to the floor. I remember uncontrollable screaming, sobbing, shaking and not being able to breathe. And, then.....I remember nothing. I don't remember leaving work. I don't remember what I did the rest of the day or the days to follow. I don't remember who I talked to or if I slept or if I … Read More

Tough Love

Hey y'all! Just hanging out watching some football and blogging! The other 2 yayhoo's are asleep! And, I'm realizing that Thursday nights and Friday mornings are my fave time to blog :) But, I should probably not try to multi-task and watch football 'cuz it's taking me forever to write....I'm especially excited for the NFL this season. I always love football....especially my Broncos (and I will tolerate the Vikings but dang do they disappoint a person....just ask my hubby).....but this year is my first year in Fantasy Football and my team is rated 2nd on our report cards :) My kicker was the only player I had playing last night but he got me 9 pts!! AND, I was #7 in the draft and picked up Aaron Rodgers, so here's to hoping he has a good season!!....which is basically saying I hope the PACKERS have a good season....and, well, meh. Ha, sorry Bothe's if anyone is reading this ;) That's the interesting thing about Fantasy football. Sometimes you gotta cheer for players and teams you … Read More

The 5 am club, 5 second rule & a crushing the rush!

For real, I can't stop watching this vid!! I'm totally the one on the left!! HOWEVER, I'm working hard to be the one on the right!! I'm such a night owl! And, I always have been. But, here & there in the past several years, I've went some pretty long stretches getting up at the crack of dawn to get my Miracle Morning and my workout in before I have to go to work! SO, after this summer totally kicked my butt with late night after late night, I'm determined to get back to my early mornings!! I love mornings!! I love coffee! Heck, sometimes I just wanna go to bed at night so I can wake up and drink coffee lol. I love getting up to have quiet time before my fam! I love my MM lifeSAVERS. AND, yes I LOVE getting my workout done before work! This coming home after 5 and getting it done is really starting to piss me off! They say the best time to work out is simply....when it works best for your schedule. My after work workouts are NOT working anymore. I … Read More

We’re only human…..

For most of my life when I decided I wanted to get in better shape and lose weight, I would go the grocery store and grab whatever health & fitness magazine with eye-catching titles and images of amazingly beautiful and svelte women on the covers stuck out to me the most and decide that THIS was the last time I would start something new and THIS would finally be the "DIET" or workout that changed everything. After all, it worked for the girl on the cover, right?!? ;) I would get all excited and plan my attack. What was typically my plan? Well, I would usually decide that I needed to enjoy "just one last weekend" of partying and eating whatever I wanted and I would change my life starting on Monday. Yeah, I was that girl. I always needed to wait until Monday.....the 1st of a new month....after the New Year. And, always with the mentality that I would enjoy one last hurrah and this was be the last time I started over. Monday would roll around and by then I was … Read More

I will beat her!

This is one of my fave all-time quotes. If you've been around here for a while, you know why. If you're new here, let's catch up you a little. I'm a TeamBeachbody Coach and have been for almost 4 years. I'm actually currently a "plus-size" TeamBeachbody Coach. And, in all honesty, in a place in my life I can proudly say that. However, a year ago, I did not wear that honor well. In fact, I was such a hot mess I couldn't see anything for what it was worth in my life. And, I was letting my plus-sized-ness start to paralyze me from what I had set out to do to help myself heal and help support others along the way. You can read more of the story here and here but my life has been a history of yo-yo dieting and yo-yo weight loss. I've tried every "diet" under the sun ~ many many pills, wraps and quick fixes ~ spend thousands on gym memberships and at-home equipment like treadmills, ellipticals....even some "amazing breakthru" ab belt that was supposed to do … Read More

A reason….not an excuse.

Have you ever seen the quote "My kids are my reason, not my excuse" when it comes to finding the time to exercise? I think all us moms out here can relate to how much our lives changed after kids. Of course our lives became even more amazing :) But, our time was no longer just OUR TIME. And, I totally admire the moms who are "plus1" in the kid department. How y'all get it done every dang day impresses the crap outta me. I have the 1 kid and some days I STILL don't get it "all" done. Let's take a pause to talk about my kid :) If you're new here, this is my B :) (We were camping for the weekend and she was SO excited that she found me a heart rock 'cuz she KNOWS how much I love hearts :) ) Ok, and I just have to share one quick story :) This was from just last night :) She is 100% tom-boy & 100% girlie-girl. She loves to get dirty and ride 4-wheeler and legos and climbing trees. She's also OBSESSED with dolls and "real babies" and watching "real baby videos" on YouTube and … Read More

I feel like a crazy person!!

My IUD Story (This should maybe read "My IUD LONG Story" lol ~ sorry it's so long but not sure what to leave out) "I feel like a CRAZY person." ~me This is often how I've described myself in the past two years to family, friends, doctors, and my therapist. I've said "You think I'm crazy, don't you?!?" to my hubby more than once. I can't remember the last time I went through an entire day without thinking it. And, I've said, "I feel like I'm sucking at life" to my gynecologist and therapist very recently. I've felt like a terrible mom, wife, friend, coach and employee. I've been undependable, scattered, forgetful, and more. I've felt like a fraud, a hypochondriac and a hypocrite. AND, I'm not sure I've EVER felt more relieved than I do as I write this post!!!!!!!!!!! If you're new here, you can catch up a little HERE, HERE and HERE. For a little more than two years now, I've been dealing with an array of health issues. I've gained over 35 lbs. My … Read More

FIT(ish)

Have y'all seen FIT(ish) apparel?!?! I've been in LOOOOOOOOOOVE for a while now but every time I add a few super cute tops to my cart, I forget to ever actually checkout lol. (Hey, my shopping friends....do you ever just go to your fave online shopping site and add things to your cart....and then kinda purposely LEAVE them...IN THE CART? It's like the rush of shopping minus the spending part. lol #sometimesitworks #sometimesitdoesnt) ANYHOO, I saw another coach with a FIT(ish) tank on yesterday so I finally decided I was gonna order! But, not really seeing a FB ad for it like how I normally see them, I went to Google. So, funny story....I type in FIT(ISH) and Google asks "Did you mean FET(ISH)?" and then proceeds to pop up a warning that the key word I'm searching for MAY bring up some sketchy content. Ok, sketchy is my word, not Google's...but I had to laugh that GOOGLE tried to autocorrect the word FOR me and THEN proceeded to tell me that I probably shouldn't have been … Read More